tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-288292562011-10-06T21:12:43.183+08:00Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.comBlogger3611100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-483030264844830492011-05-19T23:28:00.001+08:002011-05-19T23:30:24.222+08:00Dear jc,<br /> tonight im just tired. heared on the radio today that the end of the world is this weekend. and im wondering if there is anything left which i wana do before the end of the world.<br /> with reference to the "head" question i was asking you just now, im thinking if you can agree with it and show me a plausable answer soon. right now im totally deaf and need some help. tq<br /><br />yours truly,<br />justin<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-48303026484483049?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-53183308429469610182011-02-14T17:29:00.002+08:002011-02-14T17:46:13.617+08:00Dear JC,<br /> its been quite long since I've written here. and if its one thing i regret, its not talking enough to you. on my way home just now, i felt the need to listen to some worship songs. and its weird cos even though i know I'm cemented there, it seems like I'm just sitting on the side lines, waiting. what am i waiting for. what am i waiting for.. what am i waiting for..<br /> its weird but i guess that is really what doing now..<br /> yesterday, spend most of the day with Wayne. we shopped around for valentine's day materials. and i guess the highlight of the day was done shopping around sheng shiong for a can of carrot juice. yea.. we got flowers from loyang point. after a long time of sourcing around. somehow, i guess im starting to live like my dad. street wise and everything. anyway, somehow, i started to know my way around better than i originally believed.<br /> by the way, today its valentine's day.<br /> was kind of pissed yesterday, cos my ex cell leader, jeremiah was like trying to control me again. saying stuff like i shouldent spend money on flowers and stuff just cos its valentine's day. but why i was feeling wierd and unfair, cos.. well, first hes not my leader anymore. not in the technical term. cos now i see him as a friend. not a leader. second its valentines day, its not for me but for someone else, its my way of telling a girl i appereciate her. who is he to think he understands my situation. it has been.. quite some time, and while showering, it occured to me, maybe that is why i left in the first place. maybe its cos i followed mr tan quite loyally, and when i was "forced" in a sense to follow someone else, no one really considered my thoughts on it. not really blaming jeremiah or mr tan. but maybe something is definately wrong here. anyways, money situation at home i more or less understand. so saving money shouldent really be discussed with me, unless you have a way of saving or making a middle ground where i can get both. anyways..<br /> valentines day<br /> i gave my classmate girls chocolate. the rest of it well, its still in my bag. i guess its my gesture at the situation.<br /><br /> today there was aia term test. and i think i did well. please help me to do well, cos i know i havent been doing well.<br /><br /> going to find wayne now.. so yea.. talk to you soon<br /><br />just me<br />XrenovartioX<br />dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-5318330842946961018?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-16076014870551216442011-01-23T22:32:00.002+08:002011-01-23T22:39:48.754+08:00Dear jc,<br /> its another the start of another week. and i failed my running again. last week that is.. and i feel its so unfair. cos i have this heart condition.. and its supposed to be a secret. cos i cant do many things like most people. anyway.. i got like a gold for all the other stations like chin ups relays and broad jump. haiis. so dissapointed. i failed by a mere 7 seconds. its a bad secret cos i really did push myself. and i felt horible about it later. before it i was already mentally prepared cos i asked ah zhi if he knew cpr. could he save my life if i needed it? how can they say they understand if they dont know how it feels.<br /> its weird cos life goes on as if it never happened. but how could it.<br /> tomorrow, i think theres going to be alot of shit going on in school. but i know im not ready. going running too. and i hope it will be alright.<br /><br />thats all for now.. ,<br />my breath of solitude<br /><br />XrenovartioX<br />dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1607601487055121644?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-88065076286252801792011-01-09T18:21:00.002+08:002011-01-09T19:37:31.047+08:00Dear jc,<br /> life today, is like a premonition for the start of a new life which begins tomorrow. and even if it seems like it. the life i started living, started on wednesday. only, though sometimes, its hard to get my bearings, im more or less getting there.<br /> my dad was really an important person in my life. though its wierd that i took it for granted. he taught me to tell the time, and some of the times table. this i particularly remember because it was long into the wee hours of the night that happened. he taught me how to ride my bike, how to swim, rollerblade and rock climbing. he taught me about service(one of the most important lessons), and about the time to do things(like time to eat, rest and work) such things, arnt really meant to be forgotten easly, and of these things, im sure wont be in my life.<br /><br />though he was always saying he's not a good teacher, he always taught the most invaluable things. my only regret is that i never really got a chance to learn cantonese from him. a language im still striving to learn.<br /><br />i will always treasure the times:<br />when he attended my performance in kindergarden, where i was the star.<br />morethan that, the times where he was regretfull when he had to miss my graduation at secondary school because he was moving furniture at my aunt's place<br />when we went on a cruize from singapore to kl and back again, 3 days 2 nights. whole family with my grandmother<br />when we went to ice skating and my dad alwasy pops by after work to make sure were ok and give us a lift home.<br />trips to sentosa costa sands resort. whole family again.<br />alot more. basically im thankful for all that my dad contributed to make me into the person im today<br /><br />he did his part for the community as well:<br />always spending a bit of time to talk to people even though he's rushing off from one place to another.<br />he always sends his kids to where they need to be and never needs to ask where the place is or how to get there. really reliable.<br />and he has lots of close friends.<br /><br />when we were young, he brought back shows for us kids to enjoy. and he always made sure we din't lose out to the fads of society. until when we were old enough to understand did he slow down. but he never stopped. he learned about the latest in technology and moved at his own pace with the times.<br /><br />the wiring of the household appliances are all his doing.<br />the arrangement of the store room and the furniture is always his work. and the rest of the family cannot do it no matter how hard we try because its so perfect.<br /><br />he is extrememly thrifty with his money and that is why if there is a use for it, he never throws them away. his paperwork from years back are still filed away systematically.<br /><br />he never showed his children if there was a financial difficulty.<br />there never seemed to be a problem with food or education.<br />there was always power and water in the house.<br />he fixed things which were broken, like lighting, fan and taps.<br />he cooked foods my mum loves. crabs, fish..<br />the brings the family to delicious eats island wide<br />he gave his kids space to grow<br />he doesent smoke or drink alcohol<br />he worries about his childrens wellfare. chuch, studies, personal life<br />he drives me to school every morning<br />he fights with my brother but loves him alot<br />he wants to hear my sister sing, but she doesent like that<br />he sings with me sometimes and we love old music<br />he knows how to ride a bike<br />he plays basketball<br />he is an army guy for 10 years. regimental sergent major<br /><br />right now, the main concern is getting my life back in order. school.. nafa.. driving.. all these things are going to get abit crazy. and i hope that my friends will be there.. i want to make new friends too.. and i want to learn how to talk.<br /><br /> what im afraid of is, ill forget about him, cos i so easily forget about things. got to do my fb account again.. so yes.. im going now. bt i will drop by again soon..<br /><br />love, justin<br />nothing compares to a father's love<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8806507628625280179?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-25082179202326673942010-12-22T12:08:00.001+08:002010-12-22T12:08:25.885+08:00https://istudent.ite.edu.sg/psp/csprd/ADMISSIONS/HRMS/c/A_SS.A_SS_ADM.GBL?&intake_type=JIEN&career=EDU<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2508217920232667394?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-80490830402324954562010-12-07T08:10:00.002+08:002010-12-07T08:53:08.068+08:00Dear jc,<br /> this morning, i woke up feeling tired. woke up couple of times during the night but its not cos of my bro. theres just alot of things on my mind.<br /> mnt people have formed groups without me. and i feel its kinda stupid. this is the reason why i hate working in groups. why delegate the leader role to incompetents? a groups is supposed to be full of people you can trust and will get the job done. and so far, ive been doing what has been given to me. the new class is full of people i dont really know and because of that, bullying takes place so easily.<br /> im really starting to dislike adrian. ive helped him in countless projects, lent him books that belonged to my bro. and just because i wont buy for him some christmas shit he is not talking to me. and its wierd how alex is behaving. i mean hes always a dumbass but recently hes more of a moron than usual.<br /> maybe all of this is caused from being with ah zhi in class. i mean, i can tell most people dont like him. and when i ask some people lie about liking him. but they dont know what its like being without someone to talk to. and im not someone to back down from taking care of the weaker people. what would you do if you were in my shoes. beginning of the year, they thought id broken off from wei zhi. and they were so friendly with me. and then.. it was gone again. dont i have the right to choose my friends? the world is gassed up.. how can you choose your friends if they have your personal goals at risk.<br /> took the drug yesterday again. and it was a good escape for the 3-4 hours i was out. when i came to, began talking about my problems to my friends but they got no solution to it.<br /><br />just me, renovartio<br />dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8049083040232495456?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-46179865567387850652010-11-06T23:10:00.003+08:002010-11-06T23:55:43.850+08:00Dear jc,<br /> the part of my life which seems so empty has for some reason, been reignited. but, im now filled with a sense of.. in adequacy. and im so excited inside, and yet, people around me dont seem to be.<br /> today was kind of slow for me. i was kind of a mixed up morning. met cj at the mall, then we went to funan, walked around abit finding desktops. then we got lost around there cos we we looking for the lan shop. then decided to go stadium for a game. the day ends with us going to changi village for dinner after which we go bapok hunting.<br /><br /> right now, im thinking about her. and wondering if im ever going to get over my feelings of inadequacy.<br /><br />just me,<br />renovartio<br />broken and wondering<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4617986556738785065?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-86910434840131054382010-10-27T23:10:00.002+08:002010-10-27T23:16:48.127+08:00Dear jc,<br /> today, im just tired. the thing is that, i can see that this year is going to be extra busy. and right now, i cant seem to find time to be by myself.<br /> think that i cant wait for the horrors of mp to be over.<br /> guitar playing is really taxing on my fingers.<br /> laying off the girls already. good friends maybe. closer, definately not that easy.<br /><br />just me,<br />renovartio<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8691043484013105438?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-79392847347381083722010-10-25T10:42:00.003+08:002010-10-25T14:50:04.428+08:00Dear jc,<br /> well last night was one of the most weirdest. and i don't really say this often. told myself that i want to blog about this, and i wish that i would have the same dream again tonight. and if its not the same, then maybe i would have a continuation of it.<br /> why do i say its weird. cos, even though my heart was beating so fast, and my head felt like it was whirring around, i actually enjoyed it.<br /><br /> lets call the girl, girl X.<br />well, when i started, i was like, in a classroom. and the place was like mega big. wierd thing is that, even though i was in this mega big classroom, it still look kinda small. maybe it is something subconscious that since i saw x in school ill see here here in a classroom.<br />well, actually when i went into this classroom then i was feeling lost.. wandering around. then the teacher came in and somehow, i ended up sitting next to her.was kind of weird cos even though i know who that was, i felt like i shouldent have. ended up, i remembered how we ended up. but in reality, when it was with x, it ended pretty badly. i couldn't be there when she needed me, and i couldent do anything about it. i think about x sometimes, nowadays, and though sometimes i felt like i left my feelings for her behind, im actually living the experiences of how someone.. a girl can haunt my dreams.<br />somehow, it sucks, cos i cant seem to move on if this continues. maybe thats why im so quiet these days. i guess, im what i hate. im the guy which let a pretty girl down.<br /><br />just me,<br />renovartio<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-7939284734738108372?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-54118441888035583842010-10-21T16:39:00.000+08:002010-10-21T16:41:00.068+08:00hahaha, today i was thinking about how school days was so sucky. and then i was on youtube and i saw schooldays rant and.. well, now im listening and great. i guess some ones going to die.<br /><br />hahahaha<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-5411844188803558384?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-33892493543815728532010-10-10T17:59:00.002+08:002010-10-10T18:17:09.774+08:00Dear jc,<br /> today is sunday, and probally my last sunday before things start to get hectic again. and it will soon be the holidays for bro and sis.<br /> dont know, but suddenly, i feel like peng and hadi are unreliable. i mean, it was hadi's idea to go lan, and he dint show up. and peng said 1/2 an hour and he was 1 1/2 hour late. am i wrong to have high expectations? im often late, but i call in advance. and i almost never back out of something i agreed on. how often do i call sick. if i got something wrong somewhere please tell me.<br /> im still feeling very upset the night when i told ming i wanted to be alone for rollerblading. i ended up tiring myself out and being late for cj's gym the next day. needless to say, injured ankles and feet. then after gym, the next day, today that is, im aching everywhere. still, there isint time for me to hear myself think about things which has happened. maybe, the most important thing to me is to think about things, decide things.<br /> often the world says to be yourself. but how many people would stop being selfish and care for others. thats probally why i like girls who listen.<br /><br /><br />thats all for now,<br />thanks for listening<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-3389249354381572853?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-73453627766726303242010-10-08T15:42:00.002+08:002010-10-08T15:56:23.735+08:00Dear jc,<br /> today i think that being in school i am able to finish mostly all the things which i have been waiting for some time.<br /> ever since i started my sip, i have been able to start my french studies on my own. and yet some parts i have to admit that i have been lacking. be it understanding or lack of resources. but today i kinda finished mostly all of the things i have waiting for.<br /> today, i went to find my old french teacher, cedric at the office and we covered alot of songs. we coverd, tu es comme ca, pour que tu m'aimes encore, je ne vous oublie pas and gitan. haha, peng and wayne abandoned me inside, but it was ok, sadly, we had to end the session cos tomorrow they are going off to vietnam.<br /> i think this is going to be a wonderful begining.<br /><br />just me,<br />Kairos Renovartio<br />Dare to dream, be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-7345362776672630324?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-18972657643483912992010-09-21T14:37:00.003+08:002010-09-26T14:27:25.570+08:00Dear jc,<br />before anything, i just wana say that.. WOOHOO, ITS THE END OF THE ATTACHMENTS. *though.. ... im gona miss everyone at work. learned that sometimes time passes us too short for us to decide who friends are gona be. and for me, warming up to people takes time for me. but i learned some more about life through these people. and i wana say thanks to these people.<br />for me, today, its just the end of the things for me. just need to finish up my reports and essays before handing them in. other than that, i wonder what else these people are gona be. ice skating next week and i know that peng and hadi arent comming. kit, kajun and cheryl are comming too though, and cj says he will make it. though i know that he will be tired.<br /><br />gota do some stuff now, catch you later<br />just me,<br />justin<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1897265764348391299?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-4483653487641414842010-09-21T14:37:00.002+08:002010-09-21T14:51:13.138+08:00Dear jc,<br /> a long time ago, i learned that all great things are born through pain. well, right now, i can foresee that in the next few days, i will have alot of things to do.<br /> work is ending soon. and it will be during this time, that i know i will start missing the people i have been working with. ezaty and fariz left already. though not without so much as a goodbye. i think that it may be the last time i will hear from them again.<br /> ice skating is something i am planning to do once my attachment has ended. being on the ice again with my siblings was really great. it just shows that its been a long time since ive spend time with them without parents hovering around. however the next ice skating will be for everyone. im worried about who my friend will invite. knowing some of them. i fully expect it.<br /> these past few days, been alternating between watching movies, playing dota, surfing facebook;youtube;google, and watching bleach. oh yea, just started watching again. probally cos i got nothing else left to do. and my lab top which has been with me for like 6-7 years broke down again. knowing what the problem is and not being able to solve it myself is fustrating.<br /> love life is practically dead now.. have been diligently keeping clear =p. well, mostly. there were two girls i was very attracted to, but both have let me down. so im just gona be by myself for this bit.<br /> thinking about china and kinda envious that seb has gone over. wondering about things which dont concern me. thinking.. just thinking..<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-448365348764141484?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-92037468823529357092010-09-12T22:38:00.002+08:002010-09-12T22:56:11.915+08:00Dear JC,<br /> its been some time since ive written here, and seems that ive been drifting away further and further away. and so, here i am again, lost, and wondering what else i can do to get closer.<br /> yesterday, it was something i suddenly felt compelled to think about. and it was interesting because i never thought about it until it happened. and just like today, the same thing happened. and so here i am, penning my thoughts and hoping to understand abit more about the things which have occured and try understanding a new point of view.<br /> yesterday, i was thinking about how kit and me were talking online. facebook. and though i couldent imagine how this could be, i caught the thought that im a very machoistic kind of person. cos when i first heard about her new boyfriend, i couldent help but think: "does he know about what she was last time?" and i had the revelation that i dont want my future spouse to hold secrets from me. felt very "righteous" after that thought, the superior feeling left me, guilty..<br /> today, i was thinking about tomorrow's movie and lan session with close friends when i was looking at a colleague (girl) (friend) when i caught another passing thought. do i want a dominant spouse, friend(equal footing) or a helper. and the question left me blundering about for a second. at that time, maybe i had a straight answer.. but, now im not so sure. maybe there will never be, because God made me different.<br /> need to catch up on New creation's newsletters. its been left for like.. decades. hope to be able to catch up to it soon. need to REST too.. both physical and spiritually. physically. cos tomorrows is gonna be a busy day. spiritually, cos God told us to.<br /> yesterday night, saw a sight in the night sky. i saw a cresent moon with a overhanging star, God remembers Hari raya. He's been showing me things too. once, i was being reprimanded by parents for staying home for so long. playing computer all day for 3 days of Rest. so i went out to rollerblade for abit. talked to God abit but it seemed like there was no answer. on my way home, was listening to my french songs.. then came this song 1,2,3 and at that moment as i was crossing the bridge i heared une, deux, trois and i saw in the building opposite the number of the block 1, 2, 3. God remembers.<br /> Gota go and see if there is anything more else to do.<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />Dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-9203746882352935709?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-19050613716045414212010-08-04T22:58:00.002+08:002010-08-04T23:39:39.060+08:00Dear jc,<br /> these few days been hectic for me. but its like ive been doing things for others that i dont sem to have time for myself. i wish i were younger.. back then, the most memoriable times were when i was at SU; barker road campsite, and early in the morning, id spend time on for myself, just enjoying the good morning air and thinking. guess i dont talk much i guess i enjoy thinking and listening.<br /> killed cockroach yesterday. first time i used my arm to kill it. duno how wierd it feels. remember how some of the guys got so scared on the bus the other day. its wierd.<br /> was watching a show and it was odd that they started talking about one sided love. guess it works in all situations. but i guess so far, either the girl im interested in is not ready for me, or im not ready for her. maybe at this age, people dont really like to sacrifice things. only those guys who like to talk alot get the good ones. i guess.. thats why i loose interest in them once i find out they have boyfriends. where is the quiet girl out there for me.<br /> made friends with a peuto rican guy yesterday, talking online is more fun because you can express yourself better.<br /> guess im gona call it a day. gnites<br /><br />just me,<br />renovartio<br />dare to dream. be the reborn.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1905061371604541421?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-84013037313928823452010-07-17T22:54:00.002+08:002010-07-17T23:47:45.599+08:00dear jc,<br /> today is the last free saturday i will have for some time. though its somewhat of a blessing, i pray that you will help me deal with work because, work without you is not work, but slavery.<br /> i guess people who dont understand my love for you choose not to understand me too. they dont understand what ive been through as well. and yes, humans are not perfect, they have let me down on so many ocassions that ive given up finding someone stable to place my hopes on. thats why they think im wierd when i "talk" to myself when actually im directing my speech to you.. guess thats why im looking for a christian girlfriend. someone who is like me, likes to stand in the background, someone who talks to you too and.. understands me and what were going through. there must surely be someone out there like that.<br /><br /> today, spent the day with my bro and cj going gym first then we went to plaza singapura to look at electronic stuffs and anime shops. id admit it is kind of wierd that i wonder (when im there) when is the last time i was there. and there i am again in less that a week. wondering how zhenny is and what shes doing.<br /> spent a clear head playing strategy with Cj and bro just now. and felt that even though i was directing people here and there, most of the time, im just keeping cj and brother safe. while half the time, im in the background taking care of things. it was very good.. urlsa and loa.. bro was sa and naga. cj was silencer and axe.<br /><br />spent alot of money this week. and i feel that im doing my part by helping people around me get by. somehow, i dont really thing that it will come back to me. thats probally how you feel sometimes.<br /><br />was really depressed, cos these days, when i call or message people, they either dont pick up or ignore my smses. i really dont know what else to do already. when im down, sometimes, i act happy to make people talk to me. and if i dont get a reply, i wonder, did i over do it? then i try, maybe just talking normally. and i start to think, maybe its not worth replying over. so after awhile i just give up and care about people who do care for me.<br />indeed the road to a friend lies over a million people. and though many people may treat me like a friend, or even a best friend, they may not be the best friend which i want them to be for me. selfishly, i feel they are not doing enough to deserve it. at all. thats why i do my best during the good times, so i feel selfish and unforgiving in the bad. ming was wrong when he says "justin has moods out of the blue". its always because someone insists on doing something selfish.<br /><br />today learned quite a couple of things.<br />1. always keep a clear head and direct people in the quickest safest place<br />2. spending time with brother shouldent be bad<br />3. to say someone's intellegence is smart or stupid is really a stupid mindset. its all about the indivisual's choice, ability to see reason and to learn from mistakes<br />4. the first though that one has after doing someting is usually the truth. if one feels guilt or relieved<br /><br />really tired now, im hoping that tomorrow ill be able to stay up all the way from 8.30 to 8.30.<br />guess i gtg now,catch you later<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8401303731392882345?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-54400316342201159642010-07-10T12:01:00.002+08:002010-07-10T12:10:15.116+08:00Dear jc,<br /> today, its Saturday, and I'm supposed to meet the guys at the stadium. but right now, i should be waiting for wei zhi to come find me at the library (school).<br /> was hoping to meet people i haven't seen in a long time. like, Wayne(big) , Shawn, uytred, Joseph. haven't really meet them in a long time. wonder how they are doing.<br /> was really feeling low on Thursday. sharing with people always leaves me drained. but it feels good to talk to people about myself sometimes. find myself listening to people more than talking. maybe thats why I'm so quiet most of the time with people that I'm not close with.<br /><br />gota go now, catch you later<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-5440031634220115964?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-23653168536504295402010-07-07T22:12:00.002+08:002010-07-07T22:19:57.581+08:00well, today im not gona talk much.<br /><br />realised that when guys say "fwah" after seeing a really hot girl walk by, its exactly what it means. froid = hot in french. -.-<br /><br />movie went well, but im also really tired so i dont have time to entertain any crap the guys may want to poke at. -.-<br /><br />after being a soloist for so long, ive come to wonder if soloists ever get girlfriends. -.- *just wierd thoughts floating around<br /><br />ice cream after lunch is a killer. especially the fruit kind. -.- find myself sleeping in the toilet later. -.- -.-<br /><br />guarding my heart is easier now. set up new walls in my head. (for CJ to understand)(and for rina if she understood what i said(highly unlikely))<br /><br />eclipse sucked. totally, but i decided it for myself so it makes me feel better.<br /><br />by acting like an idiot at work, i can test the waters before deciding to jump in. most of them dont even know im testing the waters. they think its a joke but its not. moreover, they dont believe such a person exists.<br /><br />people in hidding dont get caught unless they do something dumb. likewise, they dont get caught because of the dumb things they do but because of the adreline which makes them restless and do dumb things.<br /><br />food sux at j.i<br /><br />gnite<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2365316853650429540?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-56129231070835700662010-06-28T22:56:00.001+08:002010-06-28T23:37:01.315+08:00hehe, today gona spend some time writing stuff here instead of talking about whats happening in my life. yupz yupz. unfortunately for all you poor people, im still gona be evalutaing things.<br /><br />G: - heads up! its your birthday! (not.. bt i got you there rite?)<br />tora dora is the show we are discussing about today. =p<br />though i agree with you on most counts, points, its unfortunate that we have to critisise such trival things such as anime. haiis. also, most unfortunately, i like doing that, so its really too bad for them.<br /><br />yes, its true it sucks to be trapped by your best friend in a situation you cannot possibly fathom, in a position you know you have no hope or inkling of getting out of. yes yes. sad. but she did say she like ryuji on many accounts. this im refering to both girls ironically. taiga, the girl being trapped, and the trapper, kushida. whyd i say the way i did was cos, well.. i am attracted to.. loyalty and hard work. if you watch the show you see kushida doing that, only, in the wrong way, she works jobs.. cca.. school.. even for the school festival. and ryuji, for some who knows what reason, likes her. hell, she even rejects him, and late during a "girl talk" session with ami, confessed to rejecting him because she likes him too much. now, thats just silly. i mean. i dont know how much more simplier i can go. he likes her, she doesent feel good enough for her. so fine. but, i like you so much i wana break your heart? hehe.. wierd..<br />bt anyway the story progresses and believe it or not, it actually started with taiga liking ryuji's best friend and ryuji liking taiga's best friend.<br />though the whole thing is kinda wierd, there are some parts which i like about each character. i the character i like most about taiga is shes small(not just short), extremely honest, and quiet(i knew this from the begining though some people may beg to differ). the parts i like about ami is that shes not totally an air head beauty, but a scheming cunning fox. sadly what draws me and scares me away is that she, like kusheda, shys away when she almost reach her goal. i was like cursing and swearing at her when she said it. almost like 3 times, and then ask him to forget it. and i can see he really dint hear it because so was like so damed soft. never mind.. anyways next up would be kushida. what i like is that she has the wierdest ideas which even though most people would find crazy, i find most practical. she does sports, and shes quite the block head like ryuji. many things like DISLIKE about her. hmm lets start with 1. shes very outgoing -.-" dont blame me, ask any of my good friends, i prefer the quiet girl in the group. (-.-maybe because i dont talk much either -.- -.- ) 2. she has such a busy schedule im wondering even if they got together would they have enough time to spend together. *taken from a friend's experience. 3. shes definately not a fighter. giving up easily is not something i like very much. haha. to give up without trying. like hadi likes to say *krum if you dont give me what i want, then to hell with you. being a girl does give you some moments of weakness, but in a relationship, guys are not God, we do fall sometimes.<br /><br />ok guess i better go sleep now. had to work till 8.30 today so im like soo tired. leave a comment in the comment box, and ill try to stay on topic next time. laters everyone.<br /><br />just me<br />kairos Renovartio<br />Dare to dream, be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-5612923107083570066?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-68053552828434459862010-06-26T09:15:00.002+08:002010-06-26T09:42:18.778+08:00Dear jc,<br /> today, im thinking of the thoughts which have passed through recently.<br /> im thinking of the anime im watching. and although i know for a certain that what i hope for will not come to pass, the last episode awaits me. and im thinking what the girls who fight for themselves dont get what they want. when i watch these things, im thinking of the characters without faces. because ultimately, faces dont mean anything. its how the characters react to the things around them. the begining of dislike for kushida kind of started before episode 24. and my feelings were confirmed when the plot played out when she was trapped in a room by her friends(taiga) and kushida was bashing her around screaming at her. at this point im thinking, if you like him so much, why are you letting him get away. anyways, the final blow was struck when she said: "i havent done anything to deserve this love". and woohoo, thats the final blow. finally, she can admit it. and she can still dare to say to ami earlier that she swear swear swear that she will move forward and not run away. im not saying that people like her dont deserve ryujji. just that if there are more agressive girls out there like taiga and ami, why does she get him anyway (if she accepts him).<br /> a long time ago, when i was still in secondary school, i can see now that i wasent ready for any girl. still am i guess. fortunately, now, i understand why. because im a solo act. i do things by myself, and i do it well. hidding behind this wall is good for me. still, its kind of funny because i test my surroundings before going out at work. and most people dont understand that guys.. nevermind.. cant put it into words and feel wierd.<br /> next im going to watch. f.m.a<br /><br />cette mon coeurs.<br />dans mes coeurs.<br />mon vie<br /><br />Renovartio KisRevie<br />Dare to dream. Be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-6805355282843445986?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-89438639346773496972010-06-25T23:30:00.002+08:002010-06-25T23:34:21.775+08:00watching toradora! episode 22 and what i want most but know wont happen is:<br /><br />ami-chan saying to minori: ill bash and bash until it makes or breaks the both of you.<br />i think she can do a pretty good job if shes focused thinking she has been doing it almost all her modeling life. like i always say, a girl who fights for whats important to her is more important to me than one who doesent.<br /><br />found a new mark. comencing tracking..<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8943863934677349697?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-2163115289994930112010-06-20T10:07:00.003+08:002010-06-20T10:21:37.781+08:00Dear jc,<br /> today is sunday and though i got quite early sleep, i somehow feel very exhausted. yesterday, went to malaysia and half way through, suddenly felt the onset of the depression. was around the time i made a resolution to do my best to talk to some malaysian shopkeeper girls. and i guess when i say talk means to talk to their face not the floor. was very tired anyhows and still am.<br /> today, going to see my grandparents. after this. somehow, i dont feel like going even though its the right thing to do. at times i do miss them and think about them. but i keep it inside. tell my mom sometimes. and i do treasure them. i know i cant talk to them about God. so im wishing for their friends to do this for me.<br /> Cj came back yesterday. and leaving again later. but right now, im just wondering about then things that will happen over the next few days. God willing, tomorrow will be more energetic than today.<br /> in malaysia, i realise that now, im showing my bro more love. i guess im showing him that theres a time for everything. he means alot to me and its sometimes hard to let him know. we can joke outside the house and everything. sometimes, he goes overboard. but i really enjoy the quiet moments. thats what i am i guess. he wants to be like me. but what he dont understand is he is so much like me. like the rest of the world, his eyes are not that open yet, thank God he did open my eyes to most things (and much more later), but thank God i can see this.<br /> in malaysia, mom bought me a shirt that was really nice. i mean, she wants me to be more outgoing. but its hard explaining that sometimes, i do try. i just dont have the energy to chase people like (being; like) sebastian. thats why im mostly quiet. i listen. have always been a listener. and maybe thats why i get depressed when people let me down. even myself. Thank God for people like Cj, min, Peng and hadi. they spend time with me the most and they know when im having my moods. they accept me and i love them for that. not it. that. everything.<br /> french is progressing and im really getting into the gyst of it. sister was crossing the road that time, and i told her to wait. in french and it kind of supprised me, because i was humming a song and that word was way way later into the verses.<br /> i guess im going to go watch some shows now. please speak to me and bless the people around me. watch over us, guard our hearts, and help us show overflowing love to our community. amen.<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />the time for everything<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-216311528999493011?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-23113703705886594332010-06-13T09:48:00.002+08:002010-06-13T09:58:57.950+08:00Dear Jc,<br /> i guess being reclusive has its perks. been doing some thinking lately.<br /> guess at the end of the day, i dont really know who am i. being different in each group of society and its become wierd. its like im living 5 different lives all of with none of them know all of them. suprisingly, im hyper at intertek. yet so quiet when im with the guys at sushi.<br /> ive been gone so long, i dont know if i can make it back out. wanted to try selfish but.. its not working. everytime i do it, something comes along and i find myself imersed in it a few minutes later. then.. im down and depressed when someone around or close to me seems selfish and uninterested.<br /> french studies is taking a pause for abit. there is somehow this much one can do to find resources. and now that work takes longer to end, do i get home, tired but with a sense that ive acheived much. so i dont have time to really get online and feel like doing something. i guess because of that ive droped in gaming life and i want so badly to do my scar svc. its the month of july.. july!<br /><br /> just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2311370370588659433?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-17486619074733752442010-06-07T20:59:00.002+08:002010-06-07T21:21:56.223+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, has been really tiring for me. for one, woke up at around 6 and started for work. cant seem to think that most of the people i know are still sleeping and im already worrying about what to eat or if i can find the bus.<br /> work was one of the most fun for me. met many new people and though i dint talk much, like me always, i can see that these people are great.<br /> on the way back, felt so tired. and i believe i picked my first fight with a girl. actually, shes my leader in ice skating. well sort of.. truth is, me and ming never met her before. not that i blame her. but i guess i should have listened when you said dont. and i heard it. but i sent it anyway. and now im in a landslide. i guess my pride cant allow a girl to get comfortable with me. especially a girl ive never seen. guess i felt insulted. can still remember the whole way home, realised why i cant like pretty girls. people like susie and rachel, people i took a chance on. they have it too easy. and i guess im not that much of a hypocrate when i say i do things differently from people. unorthadoxed. but i see deep into a person. see things that sometimes, people themselves dont see. guess with suwandi, i looked too deep enough to realise that sometimes, people dont care much about others. not that its wrong. at the end of the day, one is answerable to God. right now, im asking myself. Am i willing to settle for second best?<br /><br /><br />i need to be humble with nothing to prove<br />God knows you more than you about yourself<br />without God i can do nothing<br />problems.. problems..<br />i need to stop and be still.<br /><br />Thoughts mean the difference.<br />The day you stop trying<br />The day you realise you dont know<br />Who you are<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1748661907473375244?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-31598378875608336752010-06-03T23:14:00.002+08:002010-06-03T23:21:52.380+08:00Dear jc,<br /> today, came home feeling so tired. maybe its the food. but im just so tired..<br /> it is definately the slowest ive had so far. was kind of glad to see cheryl and kit later at safra. bt then later my legs started acting up and had to go home and miss ice skating. so tired. phone's jammed too. so i guess ill go sleep now..<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos reno<br /><br />kind of sad rina is so caught up with poly life she's forgotten all about her other friends<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-3159837887560833675?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-12399024372362044952010-06-02T00:35:00.001+08:002010-06-02T00:36:49.734+08:00Dear jc,<br />today was nafa. and well, now im just sore. guess tomorrow ill be down and out.<br />im thinking of many things. maybe God is playing with me. because if its a test, its not funny.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1239902437236204495?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-68297757109314623722010-06-01T00:06:00.001+08:002010-06-01T00:10:56.658+08:00dan mes coeur, parfois sans doute fallait pas commencer<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-6829775710931462372?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-23910393967697207532010-05-29T01:19:00.002+08:002010-05-29T01:26:03.911+08:00Dear jc,<br /> today, has been quite tiring for me. headaches and pain in my brain. and after getting up and agreeing to swimming with adrian, it struck positively mercilessly. anyway, felt better in the evening so can go swimming. mostly was catching up with adrian and find out what hes been doing all along. while waiting for him though, i planning wei zhi stuff and well birthday is comming tomorrow. what i do hope is that everything will turn out the way i planed. i do hate negative suprises.<br /> right now, im thinking this is the 27th day ive been living without her. but 2nd day to realising the reason for it. the real reason. what im gona do from today onwards is entirly up to me i guess. God directed and willing. next week is a new week. and ill probally start stalking some girls in tp or something.<br /> seems like adrian agreed on something i felt. focusing on me these few days.<br /><br />just me,<br />a walk down memory lane<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2391039396769720753?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-90119216148532818312010-05-25T18:59:00.003+08:002010-05-25T19:25:56.437+08:00Dear jc,<br /> today is tuesday. and in two days time, its the decision if weather i have or not been wasting my time in J.I. and im also meeting many people these couple of days. unfamilar and yet the combinations of personalities are staggering. maybe i need some time off to think. but.. haven't i been quiet most of my life?<br /> yesterday, was in gvss and though i dint wana meet her, causing awkwardness, i somehow did.. somehow.. Cj spent most of the time talking and it was kinda funny because there was so much confusion at that time. later, talking abit in tai's room, we somehow came to a concencus that girls always send the wrong signals. guess im back to guarding my heart. if i recall, afew months back, i do admit i fell pretty badly. and through it all, im thankful that i dint give my whole heart. tai was right, me and cj are both idiots. though cj remained quiet most of the trip back when he realised that what ive been saying to him all along was right. that he should place more worth on himself regarding his ex. who was messing around with his heart.(more like my situation). what advice ive given him, i should follow as well. that is, to get even. it helps blood circulation to the head and the heart will have time to heal. hopefully he will take the advice. funny thing. i cant think of a single thing on how to get even with my situation. 1. i dont have solid proof. (tai has been known to make mistakes from time to time)(however, it somewhat suprised me that girls are That ambitious at so young) 2. my situation is different from him(cj)<br />3. i honestly dont know what to do. .. did i already say that? nevermind.. i guess from today until cj leaves for ns, i shall try to get over my fear of talking to girls. -.-zz im such a dumbass..<br />hopefully g doesent see this.. duno where to hide my face.. tml i will write about something boring like studying or something..<br /> continuing with the flow, ive come to realise that in life, you cant have everyone liking you. this is life. and God's will. because he made everyone differently with different environments, personalities and situations. going back to my original love of stories and music. ive seen the power of music work in my marketplace. and well, though it brings joy to those around me, likewise, there is alot of things that people like and dislike. hence, ill just live life like how i like it.<br /> thursday is a new day of working. and because of 3 people, i cant go ice skating. haiis.. finishing late like 8+. unfortunately. that means once i step onto singapore, they have reached the place.. haiis, i feel a little angry. but its now just bitter resignition.<br /><br />just me,<br />kisreath renovartio<br />dare to dream be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-9011921614853281831?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-91697436186342448892010-05-12T00:03:00.004+08:002010-05-12T00:53:25.266+08:00ok before i start anything i better update first before "G" (G for girl but not necessary its her name)(super G girl to the rescue.. very secretive identity)<br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5470044528762786034" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6bVsAB2Tj3A/S-mAhHJ5kPI/AAAAAAAAAAc/G9vuVx3jJs0/s320/11052010.jpg" /> <img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5470044852841981842" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6bVsAB2Tj3A/S-mAz-cZp5I/AAAAAAAAAAk/TWetFFVA_qY/s320/11052010(001).jpg" /><br /><br /><br /><div>ok.. first(top top) one is first attempt.. second one (top) is second attempt. i hope i earn an invisible smile from where ever you are. i do so love making people smile to themselves..</div><div> </div><div>for me today, its been kinda exciting. for the first time in awhile. in fact like, 3- 4 years. i have some rest. peace. and am immersing myself in something i want to do and enjoy doing. and taking a step back, im thankful for hadi and pengsong learning french. its really hard sometimes to find people to talk to. or to share my passion. sometimes,(before peng and hadi) i would be gratefull for someone to just listen. but now, i can converse better. thank God for sayori. she reminded me.. dont give up. continue loving what you love. and i dint know that until now. He talks to me about some stuff. and i just ask for peace and wholeness..</div><div>at first, when i decided to write something, i wanted to add a rants part. but now, writing here. i can see that its a blessing. mostly, God has relieved me of a burden of my heart. im now reminded of being the secret keeper in secondary school. i guess in tp, i absorb the pains of being different in me. is that bad? or fair? that i give acceptance and yet dont get any in return. yes indeed this is a cruel world. selfish and pitiful. unfortunately there is also the presence of excuses. hence exists the difference between excuses and definate(truth) statements. (eg. i dint do it because... ~excuse)(i dint do it. but i did this.. ~ definate (truth) statements) . i dont claim to be perfect. in fact you dont see me singing praises everyday with not one curse on my lips. i do my best and i believe.. its enough for my God.</div><div>yesterday, i was talking to Seb. and i was suprised that he was fretting about a crossroad. i told him that the right way.. is the Right way. i only asked one question "why did you sign up(become a christian) for" -return to the root(heart of worship). then i reminded him of God's promises and what makes Him happy. that is.. for us to be happy. indeed You said this about mary and martha. the difference between enjoying to be with You and working for You. and we all know what You prefer. please dont let Christians forget that.</div><div> </div><div>today, i want to thank God. Thank You. for the two manifestations you have done in my heart.</div><div>both of which is the filling of my heart. indeed the floodgates of heaven Blesses those who acept and believe in the works of God. and these gifts are a sign of what i cannot do on my own.</div><div>the first is when my household pet died two days back sunday. at first i dint know what was happening because i realised that i couldent feel sad. but then i realised that God was fulfilling his promise about filling my heart. sure i felt bad about my pet passing away. and hey, it was a really close pet. Cj has been over a couple of times and he can testify how close i am.. but anyway, i could deal with his passing. i miss him now and wonder if pets go to heaven.. ill see you someday haha.. thank God.</div><div>second was the release of Hate. God granted peace when i told him to decide for me. told him to come in and talk to me. and i was very tempted. it would go against all things i have spoken to speak words that will break a person's heart and darken his soul. for new believers, know this. words have power. Jesus did say in His word. "speak what you believe" and "when you agree among yourself, it will be done accordance to my Father's will". the tongue us a double edged sword. it can mend or it can tear the soul.</div><div> </div><div>tml, im going to school on the same bus. doing the same things and yet.. going with a new heart. just like today. because words have power. ill say once more. let tomorrow worry about itself. let tomorrow be a new day. if there is worry in your heart think about the birds and flowers whom God proves for. dont you mean more than them?</div><div> </div><div>God bless..</div><div>Moi Je t'aimaise dieu</div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-9169743618634244889?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-84725602822515599882010-05-08T11:00:00.002+08:002010-05-08T11:14:31.887+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today im in school. and even though i came here to go gym, not seeing anyone i know in school has been somewhat of a let down.<br /> wana go study for monday exam.. guess ill catch you later<br /><br />just me justin<br />just me..<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8472560282251559988?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-49728396114470802722010-05-03T23:46:00.002+08:002010-05-04T00:09:02.390+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, i feel like Ive been hit by a brick wall. still, i think i did pretty good. was high at the last part of the sessions and then i was tired out.<br /> finally decided that theres almost no stopping me defending who i consider mine. very territorial. is that a good thing? somehow i don't like people to dominate me that much. and i let that on to total strangers one of whom i had the misinterpretation of thinking i said back off.<br /> talking to wei zhi the other day made me realise that my friends don't know how much i put into the whole friendship mojo. the new guys that is. relatively new guys. i guess Cj and Ming would know. as well as Wayne small and those people who i hang around often with these days and tell them parts of my heart. for some reason, i realised that most people are so wrapped up in themselves they haven't even asked themselves.. what am i giving back to society. am i only concerned about my salvation and not about others? I'm looking at the world in perspective.<br /> gone for 3-4 days without thinking about girls. and i guess its a good thing. going online soon to find a confidante ~ someone who dont know me but will listen and just listen to me talk about myself.<br /><br />Just me,<br />the listener who found a voice<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4972839611447080272?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-11192589028818362632010-04-20T19:49:00.002+08:002010-04-21T19:03:32.854+08:00Dear Jc,<br /><br />tonight is the second night of CPDC. and well yesterday was one of the most tired ones i have in a long time. spend most of the ride there; two hours; and back talking to 1d. lots of things i never thought i wanted to say. to him. and well, it was so tiring once i got back. just slept and everying. and even though i was tired, i couldn't have a peaceful night sleep. kept waking up in the night thinking about things that i couldn't place.<br /><br />right now, im less tired. maybe its because i slept a little on the bus back, and spent some time thinking about life and everything that conspired over the past few days.<br /><br />just me reno<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1119258902881836263?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-15323830769248999522010-04-16T21:19:00.002+08:002010-04-16T21:37:16.575+08:00Dear <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">jc</span>,<br /> today, is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Friday</span>, and it all seems like in a blink of an eye and the holidays are gone.<br /> yesterday, spent the morning and afternoon in school with <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Wayne</span> tying to best the impossible <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">siege</span>. and then in the evening, called <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Ming</span> to see if rollerblading was still on. cos he was happy about it the day before and very <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">enthusiastic</span> about it. and at the same time 1d was planning a dinner and outing thing <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">with</span> ah <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">zhi</span> and everything. so was quite "<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">surprised</span>" when <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Ming</span> said he <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">couldn't</span> make it because he had planned a seminar with his family. in my heart i was thinking, fine <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> not <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">surprised</span>. but then he was saying in my face, you were so unimportant i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">couldn't</span> be bothered to call you to tell u. so what the heck, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> not going to entertain him anymore. total bull. anyway, 1D and ah <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error">zhi</span> went to <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Taiwan</span> and we had a ball later.<br /> today, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> going to delete <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Ming's</span> number. i mean <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_19" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> up to here already. and he <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_20" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> deny that he's sick of my company. U said that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_21" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> always the head and not the tail, so <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_22" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_23" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">gonna</span> bank on that promise and stop being a spare tire. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_24" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_25" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">thankful</span> that i made it this far. throughout the years, so many friends have told me to give up and now, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_26" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_27" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">grateful</span> i made it this far, and that i can walk away without any hard feelings.<br /> today, moved a great deal around the house. though tired, i guess i should be grateful that; no i am really <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_28" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">grateful</span>; that there was no injuries even under the tremendous stress. working with both parents today felt good and it was really great. tomorrow, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_29" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> going out with everyone again and it should be more fun than it is. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_30" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Bros</span> going <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_31" class="blsp-spelling-error">ite</span> and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_32" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> going to be behind him all the way; ill do my best for him. never said it but sometimes, when <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_33" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> angry with him, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_34" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> reminded of how much i want him to do the right thing. and as Jesus said, should love my brother. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_35" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> thankful for him today.<br /> today, just now in the car, sis was being scolded my dad and she started answering back. a straight shut up. and i realise that even though i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_36" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_37" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">quarrel</span> with her as much as my bro, i find that i dislike her more and more. i cannot stand people who disrespect their parents. maybe its because i havent found any really bad ones yet.<br /> tomorrow, im going out with Cj and wayne. don't think they can come over today, but im going to be having quite alot of fun again.<br /><br />today,<br />tomorrow,<br />yesterday.<br />im the invisible man ~ 98 degrees.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1532383076924899952?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-90069115167848754862010-04-10T23:20:00.001+08:002010-04-10T23:28:21.577+08:00dear JC,<br /> tomorrow im gona do some soul searching. the problems of what im feeling; what i want or even maybe what i think i want; and what you want.<br /> im afraid of waiting. maybe tired. too tired of waiting.<br /><br />just me.<br />human<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-9006911516784875486?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-62625463925197221822010-04-09T00:07:00.002+08:002010-04-09T01:33:49.277+08:00Dear JC,<br /> these past few days, youve been showing me things i can undeniably say you were there. and for me, this period could be what i had been waiting for so long. ever since.. then..<br /> for me today, has been tiring. and yet. so eventful! bad and good things all mixed together into one. thinking back. its a wonder that passed through mostly without feeling anything. i think some of cj's numbness to bad news is rubbing off on me. went to school today at around 8 and when no one was there yet, i set up my lab and was starting to look for people who were online(buddies). there was no one there which kinda left me feeling small cos there was no one i knew around. after setting up my bot, i started surfing the net till wayne come.<br /> wasent till it was 5~10 minutes when he started talking about his mafia wars and everything. then he ask me come look at a cute girl's pic. well, have to admit i had an infactuation right there. before i knew it, id added her in facebook cos afterwards during game couldent concentrate on killing people when her face keep flying here and there. alex was kinda with us some parts of the game. i am thinking that we suddenly died for some reason and im thinking that he had something to do with it. anyway after terrania cj came along and i knew that we wont have time to write terrania updates me singas and him were supposed to complete 3 weeks ago. lunch at 5 and then its time to leave school. peng sent me a sms saying that his crush had abandoned him for someone else. which kinda sucked cos here was i in a position where im trying to be faithful and there he is desperate for something to cling to. havent replied yet, but there are things which are "im not wrong and neither are you" kind of situations. and this is one of them. confessed to waiting the whole day for a girl i followed around yesterday in the game in the game. thats that.<br /> just now, kit called and smsed saying she cant make it. dont plan to tell g anything. dont have to know. she doesent know that she ruined the day and everyone is pissed and disapointed. well, i can say what i want to say and yet sometimes, i wonder if she really understood why we broke up. i wonder if up to this day, does cj still dread the memories of my decisions. of how we broke and everything. it wasent pretty.<br /> you dont have to be cute to attract me. you got to be honest. u got to share similar things wif me. ~at this point, i realise that my points have changed quite abit compared to last time. i like the mystery. i respect independence in a girl. it promotes alot of trust.<br /> tomorrow, im going to go with cj to somewhere only you know where. i hope that there will be things to settle and stuff to complete.<br /><br />just me,<br />keeper of secrets<br />not so much of others<br />but myself<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-6262546392519722182?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-6155269311505115162010-03-28T01:34:00.003+08:002010-03-28T01:43:48.140+08:00Dear JC,<br /> thanks for being around these couple of days. knowing you were around is more than i can ask for. when you spoke, it suprised my mind and body, and even something in me moved. and i suddenly obeyed. and well, i really want to do what you want me to do. love compelled me to pray. and well, thanks for not giving up on me. i know im not completely back. i havent yet quite healed from all those scars from before. but, i know im doing my best so far. thanks for the intercessor mission for the children.<br /> monday, im gona be embarking on a journey that would hopefully help me understand some of my friends a little more. ming's gona be teaching us about jass scripting and well, i hope its the real thing. if it works, we can start on all sorts of things.<br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream<br />be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-615526931150511516?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-3609595644226739102010-03-17T20:04:00.002+08:002010-03-17T20:48:07.991+08:00Dear jc,<br /><br />just got back from driving and well, though my back's still aching, im home and thats all that matters.<br /><br />and i was just thinking about the friends i have and all the people around me. felt so lost when i reached back into tampines. felt like.. the people around me dint listen. and i guess mostly thats true. i mean people all want others to listen to them. i remembered since last night until now, id try to talk to peng and hadi about something. and it ended in them talking about their experiences before id gotten 2 or 3 lines in. i mean, i dint even get to the matter. feeling disapointed. so disapointed. then id gotten back to the problem, now that is. is there anyone willing to listen? promises to listen around me are always being broken. and for me, i do my best by bringing the speaker back to the topic to finish. tried talking about rachel twice. but never got to finish. then right after each attempt, they would carry on about my size and everything. cj once said that on the day of work, when i was a little drunk, i said that not many people understand me. agreed. but once you get to know me its actually quite simple. not so. for example, when im all emo and quiet, what is the first excuse people would make for me. "oh he's tired". but that is almost always never the case. i get depressed because of the circumstances around me. because of the failure to think about each other. because of the lack of caring for others. that is "doing things to make yourself feel you've done something" when what your doing is nothing. this is the outcome "ive done what i can already, why arn't you". just wait. i feel the premonition of a storm comming. haha, the sickness of selfishness. are we strong enough for it? we've been far apart for quite some time now. and.. we are no longer as close as we once were. not the time for who's changed but if we can continue being friends.<br /><br /><br /><br />saturday, were going gym and ah zhi inviting us over. i dont know if im going or not.<br /><br /><br /><br />just me,<br /><br />reno<br /><br />the winds of change dawns upon us<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-360959564422673910?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-48305261074823811002010-03-07T20:27:00.002+08:002010-03-07T21:40:14.504+08:00say not the things you do not mean, for ultimately, they can make or break a person, not all the time the one they are said to. there is shame which ultimately blinds us. and the words which are admisistered speak alot about the mindset of a person and what future they have in stored.<br /><br /><br /><br />Dear jc,<br /><br />today, just got back home at around 5- 6 and well, dint really feel like im on top of the world. got to admit that working for the earlier parts of the job was really fun. CJ, came working with us this time. so wayne and me were kinda trio working together. after the whole working thingy, it was back to sai kang experience. anyways, remember whole lot of puking. cos of the beer and well, hopefully theres more things instored.<br /><br />just me, renovartio<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4830526107482381100?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-20226732731312819772010-03-05T09:08:00.002+08:002010-03-05T09:59:55.274+08:00Things to remember before i start typing:<br />all of the below is purely fictional<br /><br />also to remember<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2022673273131281977?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-39996901053292433682010-02-17T16:59:00.002+08:002010-02-17T17:12:58.273+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, im back in school, and im going to start going to do abit of revision. things today are going abit slowly, but i hope to be able to do something worthwhile before the end of today. later today, im gona go for abit of swimming and then, let tomorrow handle itself.<br /> alot of things over these few days have been changing me. the way i think, and so many others. im learning to control myself.<br /> bro got me really angry the other night.<br /><br />just me,<br />boy<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-3999690105329243368?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-30478369343798333942010-02-08T08:15:00.002+08:002010-02-08T08:32:02.285+08:00Dear JC,<br /> this morning, woke up and the chill woke its way through me again, and the feeling of being in vietnam suprised me again. im wondering how my friends are there now.<br /> yesterday was kind of suprising. came to church to find someone and ended up with the last person on earth i wana meet. i mean, she hasent changed much. even though i couldent talk or anything, the friends she choose to stick around her told me plenty. then, stuipid thing is when i went to east coast to change my blades, there she was again. ok, find.. wasent her, but the girl there looked so much like her. -.-<br /> today, is the start of a new day. may i have peace and quiet before going to tm popular around 5+ 6 to buy some stuff. maybe peng and friends wana come or something..<br /><br />just me,<br />kisreath renovartio<br />dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-3047836934379833394?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-84788478041393221702010-02-03T07:52:00.002+08:002010-02-03T07:56:59.302+08:00Dear JC,<br /> woke up yesterday, feeling like im back in china. and well, even though it was not that cold of a morning, i still shivered as a slight chill passed through me. i called it at once, the Lijian chill. hence, to commerate the days of M.A.D5, i wore the teeshirt to school, and couldent help but listen to the songs i learnt there.<br /> later that night, able, from vietname tagged me on facebook and it was like, divine appointment. i really thought so.<br /> planning to go to GVSS next tuesday. however, today, i had loads of things to do. miss some of the familar faces there. have to cut hair soon too. haiis, today, loads to do, study for tests tml.<br /> thankfully, i got CJ's shoes so i can wear them during my attachment and everything.<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos Renovartio<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8478847804139322170?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-57069024198495359832010-01-29T08:46:00.002+08:002010-01-29T08:51:32.018+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today is friday, and the though it feels like its going to be a great day, what i hope for the day is that the people who are following me today will not cause any disruption. as i sit here, im doing my CSAS which have been been neglected for a long time now. as for some people who are with me, well, lets just say that distractions are everywhere.<br /> waiting for wayne to come, and then, there will be some quiet quality time. may i do my best in all that i do.<br /> later going to ehub for repairs on my blades. and im hoping for something good to come out of it. hadi, peng and ming are comming too. CJ, has been facing added stress these few days. and i hope to elivate some of it. so many new things are happening now and i want to talk and inform him about them. however, how can i be expressing joy when he is in turmoil.<br /> going to focus on my schoolwork now, so ill talk to you later..<br /><br />just me,<br />kisreath renovartio<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-5706902419849535983?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-46548347250280532642010-01-24T15:36:00.002+08:002010-01-24T15:56:05.506+08:00Dear Jc,<br /> Today, there is so many things that i wana do. i find myself looking out the window as i type this, and i, thinking about all my friends and am wondering what they are doing. its often not easy to bring people together, but yet, im thankful that today, i have a number of people close to me.<br /> this post, well, is all about the things which i am thankful about.<br /> a couple of weeks back, i was talking about how much life has been for me. how id been losing my roots in the things i love. well, at the end of this week, its been such that ive been back to doing things that i used to love.<br />emersing myself back into music. and thanks, for allowing me to find another loophole to get that back.<br />been rollerblading again, though i need to change my wheels, ive found people who need to do so too. best by friday. ming and bro needs that. friday because school has been talking about it. hadi going too.<br />you've also cured part of the cell problem. you got me closer to justin and now were a pair of guys going down to church.<br />girl problems have been seeing much improvement. i mean is that you have been giving me new revalations everyday about my understanding of girls that i can talk better and everything. CJ is another testimony of that, hes been talking more about girls that i cant stop him. though its bad, well, im glad that i got him for company. and i like this new CJ from the last one. been gyming also and wondering if there is going to be new additions soon.<br />another problem you've cured also includes me talking with daughter again, and me getting better aquainted with my classmates. wei zhi, adrian, alex, wahid.<br />for others, well, thanks for making a good foundation of friends in lvl 3. thanks for wayne(big), shawn. wayne(small), peng, hadi, joshua. dota group(not others). others group. cs group. metal slug(ms,. kov, kof) group. legion td.<br /><br />just me, renovartio<br />dare to dream be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4654834725028053264?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-22795328732042722692010-01-16T01:50:00.003+08:002010-01-16T02:19:53.865+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, there is so much that i wana think about. and so much that i have been thinking about since the last time i was here.<br /> first off, today, started off watching d-grey man some episodes. then went out with mum and sis to jp for lunch. was quite a nice experience for me, because the food was great, and the music in the back ground was nice. its these little things which i find enjoyment in, that i dont expect people to understand. going to school was kinda wierd cos it around 3-4 and we have to go to ehub around 5. sad thing was, we only left school at 6.15. the reasons, well, you should know. anyways, it was kinda late when we reached. around 6.30 40 like that. after eating at fish and co, we go bowling for awhile. den zen and his friend came along and we kinda lost focus on playing. dont get me wrong, i dont mind him at all. its just that, i dont like it when he decides things for us. and unsuprisingly, everyone spoke my mind even before i said it. no one likes people who are like that. afterwards, we went arcade for abit and it was kinda funny. touched something inside me when i offered a sweet to a girl there. her sister worked for it, that we were sure of, cos we were slamming on the buttons the whole time, but her younger sister, well, she was so shy and everything, but her mym said it was ok so i offered her a sweet. God.. what are you teaching me. i think im begining to understand what it was when i was still in sec school. how much the little things you did for me mattered so much to me. how sweet things are when i can work for it, but it is given to me. the picture of her so happy is still in my mind. i was there.<br /> later, talked to peng for quite awhile again. and then, decided to do something jest now.. decided that im going to lay low for abit.. and see what happens. i mean, im not going to do anything, and see if she wants to do anything. and then, im going to take a step back, and think it through before replying. are first time relations supposed to be this hard? and to think about it, we arnt anything but friends. haiis.. for all i know, she could continue to take me for a normal friend. so why am i tying myself down. peng was right.. if things are not clear, im most likely being made use of. then he says im too soft and everything. am i still like that? why cant i change that. havent i changed that?<br /><br />gota rewrite these lines<br />each curve and shade<br />defines the picture of life<br /><br />Just me,<br />renovartio<br />dare to dream. be the reborn 2010<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2279532873204272269?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-9830050232783039512010-01-12T20:30:00.002+08:002010-01-12T21:18:46.568+08:00Dear JC,<br /> the last couple of days hasent been all that great for me. still riding the roller coaster i guess, but still, im thankful that ive had worse.<br /> been wanting to write some stuff here for a long time now, past couple of days actually, but, cant seem to find the time... until now.<br /> monday started pretty bleak, cos previous night, was drifting off to sleep when mum started yelling at my bro to get out of the toilet. then, found it hard to go back to sleep. and was thinking about the friends i have and the way we are together all through the night. monday, started off on a pretty low note too, cos after school we supposed to meet cp for some talk and frankly, these talks get me down. find that i only keep people who listen close to me, other than that, the rest are mostly aquaintances. and those who dont listen at all? well, they would find themself far from me, because i dont really like self centered people. that is why i dont want to be hypoticritical, and every conversation i start with someone im not that aquainted, with "hows life".<br /> yesterday, monday, was kinda wierd too, cos i found something which dont belong to me, and right now, im feeling really bad about it. was something like peering into the life of someone.<br /> focusing on improving on the guys who are important to me.<br /> friday, me and the guys are going to bowling. and right now, the first thought is that, when i wanted to go with her, she seems to be busy all the time. do i pursue the next meeting? do i drop it completely? do i disapear? cos i really cannot imagine myself totally devoting my efforts into something that is a uphill fight from the begining. and right now, the understanding is that, were still friends. just "friends". want to do the right thing. sometimes, like today, i wanted to talk to her. but then couldn't. not because no time, but dont know what to talk about. dont really know anything about her. maybe its because we dont go out. and explore the possiblities. if during this time, someone asks me out, do i say yes? would i be be betraying myself? her? asked my friend about it. and, he said that i should, cos, i shouldent be feeling tied down when things are so uncertain. he mentioned, what happens if she finds someone else. something i dont want to think about now. lost right now.. really need help.<br /> JC, you gave instructions to ask for 3 things. and right now, im wondering if having a relation is what i should have asked for. good health for family, studies, and You. they are important to me. i can see family right now. have yet to see your hand on studies and a chance on comming back to know you. i know you see it in my heart, but i wana ask. do you want me to go back to Mtt? or find someone else out there. knowing my heart. i cannot stand betrayl. or untruths.<br /><br />just me,<br /><br />blades of grass<br />a continent of sand<br />the truth of heart<br />do you understand<br /><br />kairos renovartio - 2010<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-983005023278303951?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-84250597055454478092010-01-07T23:46:00.003+08:002010-01-07T23:58:43.103+08:00Dear JC,<br /> as you've seen over the last couple of days, the anger till hasent abaited. just this morning, after talking to sebas over coffee, got all heated up again.<br /><br />just me,<br />reno<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8425059705545447809?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-24776537785598334462010-01-04T18:49:00.002+08:002010-01-04T19:01:40.413+08:00Dear JC,<br /> was almost fast asleep, dozing off in lt when i caught the sudden urge to write here.<br /> its been almost 2 days since i last saw here. but i can still remember her quite clearly. and.. im wondering if she feels the same way i do. school starts for her today. and i surprise myself by caring more for her than my daughter Cheryl. still wish Cheryl[dd] would speak to me more. don't really know past what CJ tells me.<br /> emerging myself more into music and these days, it seems that i really need to concentrate on the things that matter most in my life. focus on the things that i really want to do when im not in games, cos when i do, i forget myself totally in whatever i set out to do. problem is, usually it starts off with, just abit more, and then ends with later ill get it done.<br /><br /> im not completely immobilised. i can tell she knew that song and wrote it down purposely. still, im wondering why she leads me on. ah well, maybe ive still got alot to learn from the world.<br /><br /> peng and hadi have just gone for cca and cds. and well, ive gota go for dinner too. wei zhi is a really confusing guy. and though i can tell why he did certain things, i am still wondering why he actually did it.<br /> i love the spanish. they give such useful infomation. lots of things are settled by loopholes. and these make the world go round.<br /><br /> i find myself looking forward to whatever sms she would send to me. wierd huh? gota find something nice to send to her in ps and rc. yea..<br /><br />just me, [and running out of ideas of things to talk about]<br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2477653778559833446?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-85313470052226795822010-01-03T22:20:00.002+08:002010-01-03T22:40:20.227+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, its been tiring and what nots. even though i slept like 2 hours this afternoon, still tired now. and its not even 12 yet. last night, think i slept at around 1 so maybe thats the case.<br /> these weekend, its been more full than most days of the term break. and it seems like much longer. but right now, realise that over the weekend, been injured all over. its not the pain thats annoying, but wondering if i bleed easily.<br /> just got back from dinner and its been the best dinner so far, mom and dad are closer to each other and the siblings are not fighting. and had a debacle in the car but thats ok.<br /> yesterday, was gyming for quite some time. but i think most of that time was on the track. then afterwards, was too tired to lift weights so guess i mooned around for abit before hadi and cj said it was time to leave. guess the highlight of the day was later when hadi needed to go over to ehub and cj wanted to go too. then had to go back to ws to top up my card. wad do you noe, saw rachel there. first time ive seen her since she came to tp. and shes still as beautiful as i last saw her. hasent changed much yet too.<br /> decided to come here to write many things. but today, cant seem to find anything to write now.<br /><br />just me,<br />reno<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8531347005222679582?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-8745730175781155062009-12-30T22:39:00.002+08:002009-12-30T23:13:57.520+08:00Dear JC,<br /> time in a stand still, may not always be a good thing.<br /> the past two days seem quite a challenge to get through. ah zhi got worked up about a guy in course, and wants me to get into it. this morning, wasent supposed to meet up in the morning, but was draged into it when he asked me if i was in school. betrayed.. and then later during lunch he decided to track the guy. thing is, he only told me at that time, so was late for my lunch meeting. then again, i went because i saw he was dragging his cousin in as well; this petite year 1 girl. shoulden la.. its wrong. then later.. got into verbal abuse with ming in the library. dont remember being so angry at someone. later when people talk to me, i force myself to ignore them' cos if i dont, ill lash at them. was pretty bad cos i know that ill die in that spot if i dint control my breathing. about an hour later, when ever i think about it, the breathing shoots up again. it changed sort of, from adrenaline to bloodlust. sad thing is that, when ming was still around at that time, it was still controllable until he vents his anger. doesent scare me, only make me more crazy. and so far, i havent lost it with anyone i know yet. i ignore, i run away, but i never erupt. brother and sis once saw me erupt and when i came to, there was blood. alot of it. point is, if i strongly believe in it, and you think its funny, your dead. i defend what is mine very strongly. after my quota, talk with wayne helped set thoughts things. realised that i was not angry about the cause of the situation, but about the way things are between us. how can it be, that he can say, "i have never ignored you before so dont do this to me" and then in the good times "malaysia me and you go not fun, must have more people". the point im putting across is, what he does to others, cannot be done unto himself. so far, i have never done this to him. and this also goes to show how little he knows about me.<br /> tml 1d wants to go to talk to wei zhi. seriously? i dont wana go. 1. no mood. 2. case is hopefully closed, i dont wana reopen anything.<br /> was thinking about talking to Cj about all today, but then, sometimes, i wonder if he really wants to listen or even enjoys listening. so many old wounds. so many pains.<br /><br />just.<br />me.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-874573017578115506?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-7359589767707919092009-12-28T17:35:00.002+08:002009-12-28T18:18:27.746+08:00<div>Dear JC,</div><br /><div> today, woke up like 1/2 an hour before schedule and realised that it was school.</div><br /><div> ah zhi wanted to confront some opressor in course, so he asked me to meet him in the morning. well, i went, but i dint necessarily support it. in any case, i met his cousin(this small girl from year 1 chem Eng) and Justin.</div><br /><div> went through class very entu until after lunch. when saw dion and he said i was doing bad. funny thing was that he dunno my marks. wana see how the thing is going on. maybe he will do the same thing he did last year. when he asked us to come to class together then divide the class by who passed all and who failed at least one subject. haiis.. what am i supposed to feel these days.</div><br /><div> just met CJ twice in a day(what are the chances of that) and Ming in the library. rs we are setting goals. which i wanna complete as soon as possible. met Hafiz and friends as well there. and intro them legion td. got abit pissed with Clarence later when he don't wanna do what i wanna do and follow Ming. why im pissed? well cos Ming always seems to absent himself when im with Clarence and it seems like im always making sacrifices for this friendship. sometimes, i am really not free, but i still make time to talk to him. Ming is never online, never answers his phone and sometimes never attends our get together. for Clarence wise, im wondering if i should continue to entertain.. Zzz. Peng and me are drifting. hadi is trying a little, maybe unknowingly. still, im wondering if i did anything wrong. did i say something wrong? that betrays what i really feel? this i don't really know. got abit pissed when i was so stressed out trying to find peng's song and when i dropped him a message, all he did was show me impatience. as if he was expecting better from me. now, why would i be doing better if i were doing him a favor.<br /></div><br /><div> friday things, i wana plan for a k-box, and a billard thingy, in that order. then going down to marina bay for fireworks. wish i could meet rachel again. she said she was going to count down, but she seems reluctant to meet me. now im left feeling im the only one that likes her.<br /><br />just me,<br />XrenovartioX<br />Dare to dream. be the reborn<br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-735958976770791909?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-41560039119263922222009-12-19T22:09:00.002+08:002009-12-19T23:07:16.215+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, well, sort of a good day bad day for me, evened out by good and bad things. rite now? really tired. tml still have tings to do. haiis.<br /> today, ice skating. was supposed to get down to tm by 8.45. bt still havent left the house at 8.55. cos i cannot find the gloves. when i was through my second pancake, hadi came, so we had to get him eat quickly and then we can go. duno what is ming problem oso, keep rushing us even though we are early and he is late. still, hadi came to tm because of him.. anyways, i was thinking of how to improve my planning strategy. loads of things to do these past few days. and very tired oso.. of pleasing people who refused to be pleased.<br /> ice skating was ok, only in the begining, ming, objected to delaying the ice skating, without understanding the whole situation, which really pissed me off. and then, in the rink keep asking me to go for spins. like what the fuck.. he go find someone else la. as it is, im not the kind who likes people to notice me. especially girls. and there were really good girls skating nicely around. damned nice. anyways, once he was done, he drag peng around and got him knocked on the head. maybe wasent his fault, but its peng first time and he went fast. zz if anything goes, ill take the rap from peng mum not ming. cos ming not those kind. can see that after the ice skating thing, when we got out like 20 minutes late. and (bitch lady dun let us out until we pay overcharge) i was the only one that dun wan to claim. i mean if the younger guys and first time wana claim fine, but ming pull in together. so 16 dollars cj pay in full. actually, cj was helping this boy learn how to skate. cos his grandma ask us. so.. dun wana talk about that anymre.. damned lame now that i come to think about it. then during the ice skating oso, got damned quiet cos my mp3 (life) broke. later at the kopitiam, when ming say "eh? your mp3 spoil" it was like i couldent botehr answering him. until he keep pestering me, i just blew at him. "what the hell, everyone noe only you duno?" then later, he try gain back face by interupting me so i blew him again "quiet i talking" after that i guess he got the pic that im pissed with him. and totally, i dont get pissed with my friends. often. mp3 really got the things out of me which i keep hidden. later on the bus, i crashed,( literally) onto the chair when i got a seat. needless to say, ming and peng got on a double seat before me. and i was too tired to blow anymre so i threw a look at them before ignoring them completely.<br /> good things did come out of it, wasent totally bad. gues me and cj are closer than ming because of these times. even though ming spends more time with me. me and cj went to cold storage to get some food cos the kopitiam food is really expensive. and we spent like 11 dollars which we couldent finish. we got like 300g of ham,(i went on and on sounding like my mum "do you think is enough anot" and "i really think is not enough for four people(peng zen me cj)(is ham so hadi cannot eat)(we 5 were eating coldstrg)(last post script. ming was eating at kopitiam(alot of money(bitch)) bread, sardines, beans, biscuits, and 2 bottles of water. all planed for 4 people to eat. anyways, peng hadi zen ended up eating at kfc so we were stranded with a picnic.<br /> i guess, today i discovered that scared people do sometimes loose their cool. cos when my mp3 spoil, i wanted to lend peng earphones, i was literally screaming at him to lend me, and he (duno if it was) blatenly dun wan lend me or dun understand english. cos i was so scared i duno wad else to do. up till now, havent tested it yet. and i really dun feel like touching it. dun really noe wad to do any mre. up till noe, only hadi and cj noes what is going on. wonder if zen the quiet one noes. i noe for certain peng and ming duno. not that i expect them to care. doesent matter any mre.<br /> toe is bleeding and well, the pain is there, and it reminds me that im human. tml im going to chuch. after long last. wondering what is your plans for me there.<br /><br />just me,<br />kisreath renovartio<br />Dreamer. Thinker.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4156003911926392222?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-51421409872091935922009-12-18T21:56:00.002+08:002009-12-18T22:27:06.954+08:00Dear JC,<br /> just got back from soccer.. and kinda tired. most of the things im going through, you have placed me in, and for that im glad to be feeling something instead or the usual nothing.<br /> spent the morning, mulling over ice skating tml. cos so many undecided people. and then, worrying that the people who are already confirmed will pull out when they find out about the number of confirmed going. so must hide high and low because im planning what they want to do. haiis, stressed society. anyways, zen is comming to join us tml so that makes 5 of us confirmed. was hoping for more. people like 1d, clarence and the rest. many unconfired also.. all missing.. duno where they go. anyways, once i decided to stop being so stressed out, got a new problem. that is setting the time. trying to bring together 5 groups of people (most of which are part of my life but dont know or are bare aquaintances with each other).zen is comming from pongol tml.. so i really duno how long he will take to come down. still deciding on the time for him to come.<br /> im supposed to talk to shelaine and mohsan about pia. but i guess i want some quiet time before i go plunging in. like i said before, i am trying to concentrate on my work. dont want to let any people who are important to me down. gota continue working hard and next time, before more dependable. afew hours back, i realised that what dad was saying is making more sense than it did about a month ago. talking about studies and stuff. girl stuff. kinda odd, but now, im more used to it.<br /> decided that i am the once that decides what is and isint odd, if i want or not to do them, again is my bussiness. and no one can decided for me my choice. so most of the things that i do may seem odd to people, but what they dont know, is the good things that have come out from it.<br /> tomorrow is the start of a new day. hopefully, i can live it the best i can. family is still overseas. and i hope they come back safely and enjoy themselves. cant say that i am not envious, but then i wish i were there..<br /><br />just me,<br />justin - just a kid<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-5142140987209193592?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-24123247732782742372009-12-13T02:12:00.002+08:002009-12-13T03:51:03.801+08:00Dear JC,<br /> start of the holidays, and i feel a great emptiness ahead. wondering what is the point of all these things which are happening. and was thinking of life in general. soul searching at this point. for the things which have happened since the last time.<br /> was thinking of hanging with CJ jest now online. but ended up by myself cos his gf needs some things done. dont really blame her. but wish he'd tell me earlier or something. cos was waiting for like, hours.. still, right now, promised myself jest now that id update some things here. pen my thoughts and stuff..<br /> next week, loads of stuff going on. monday and tuesday theres presentations and meetings. my group members dont know it. but im pretty pissed cos im missing paris because of them. and london. still gota make up for lost time. got loads to do. not to mention research, surveys, and whole bunch of useless crap like dealing with online nerds.<br /> gota plan for ice skating oso. and year end things. got to notify everyone and.. if time permits this break, go on a camping trip.<br /> love life, well was feeling confused. and then after that, decided something.. that ill live carefreely. that was right up to friday. well, she started talking to me again. and i dint really expect her to. id have the feeling that she dint want anything to do with me again. was online friday and she sorta talked to me on fb. and was stunned. and then i realised that i wanted so much to reply her and then i blanked out. the dumb part was that when i finally got something to say, she was offline. ya im totally wasted excuse of a guy. even peng and hadi took turns to torment me. after that, went into ps and she sent me something. its safe to say that, i dont know what to do. also safe to say that if it some how "over the rainbow when blue birds fly" it works out, she would be my first. Cj noes mostly of my situation. then.. for some reason, he says that i should let nature take its course. he says that if she is really for me, the i wouldn't have to worry. but.. how can i let go. i mean, i cant even stand it if a girl i like starts talking to other guys. but i can see that its changing. thats changing slowly.. at least i can act up if wierdos try anything funny. -.-" we talked last night. sms that is. and though we dint talk about much, i wonder what she is thinking. have been thinking that for some time now. is it fair if someone holds your heart in one's hand and treats it in some unfanthomable way? i prefer serious relations. and so far, its roller coaster. and dont really know if its fun or scary.<br /><br />is it true? "absence makes the heart grow fonder"<br /> <br /> was thinking you know, during the period of letting go that for the girl i like, i want to do everything for her. and i used to laugh at people who said this. thinking back, the jokes on me. today, woke up and felt motivated to do my best in my studies. i mean.. if i dont, than how can i take care of my future gf(if i get one or not) or even the people who are important to me.<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2412324773278274237?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-60903216904194156472009-12-05T09:34:00.002+08:002009-12-05T09:59:08.803+08:00Dear JC,<br /> how have you been? have a feeling this is going to be long, so yea.. here goes.<br /> these few days, have been feeling so many extreme feelings within me. and for me, it reminds me that im still human. most of the time, its only irritation; which have been corroded over time(made weaker); and only my close friends have seen it. for me, i feel that for one to honestly say they are good friends with one another, you must see the other person's bad side. to the max would mean they trust you enough to get so angry. to hold nothing back. to trust. min has left us for these last past days. it qas quite nice to see him again just before the exams. before that, it was like he was so angry with us when he was getting killed and everything ingame. but doing to us, how would that make us feel? in any case, im glad ming is standing up for himself now. and thats what friends are for. to build each other up. hopefully, he can be upright in his ways when he stands up for himself.(not saying he does all the time)<br /> just woke up this morning, and well, was experiencing the feeling of repulsion over a dream. first time i am using this word unbiddingly. and well, since it was morning, when i woke up it was like there were spider bodies; all hairy; crawling over my leg. musta admit i dint sleep well. josh came back really late, like 2+ 3 and well, called him so many times.. when he came in i was asleep. and he slammed the door downstairs. really worried how he would turn out at the end of the day. been asking for earings, tatoos, and the works.. damned..<br /> few days back. was renovating the place, and well, had to pack my room. (for some of you, who read my blog, had said i wanted to pack my room) and i found some things which made me say aloud " oh my gosh.. its been some time.. its been some time" found so many of the stories i wrote when i was in sec school and start of poly life. it was kind of like an escape from reality cos i can "wake up" hours later wondering where i was. and it was so overwhelming a feeling for me that i couldent bring myself to read it. cos even though it was such a long time, i can still remember how each story goes.<br /> in game, ms, was playing just the other day. and after training some noobs, it was like.. so hard for me to come out of the book's character than usual. was reading this book called nihongo novel which explains how japanese people should react when speaking to each other. and well, even to my american friends and singaporean said (even the sing people when they heard i was singaporean, they also admitted) that i had a strong personality. it was kind of difficult for me, because i admit that i have fallen in love with the strong personality that the japanese have. how they are humble and have words for everything. and i want to pick up these values. it reminds me of the cantonese people. my dad is and i want to be like that. these are the races i admire.<br /> for my love life, well, im single and i suddenly realised it a couple of days back. and apart from the ocassional infactuations, i think that im quite happy! thought about rachel too.. bt then, she probally has many guys and her studies to worry about. so yea.. damned.. i commit my heart to people i like and do my best for them. even if its in the dark. why im so happy is that, i actually told two girls i like them. and both "somehow or rather" dint think it was good. so right now, my heart WILL only be committed to building up my social circles. for peng and friends. for XrenovartioX guild. for CJ and ming. for clarence and ming and aquantiances.<br /> moving back to music as well, finding more things that are important to me. like art, beauty and poetry.<br /><br />like the rustle of leaves<br />that bring about memories<br />what ways to embolden<br />the character of life<br /><br />like the fall of dewdrops<br />that bring the changes<br />the writings on the wall<br />never fade totally<br /><br />just like rain on leaves<br />they present the past<br />of those who come and go<br />and those of will be<br /><br />just me,<br />Kairos renovartio<br />Dare to dream. Be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-6090321690419415647?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-18779865579468812612009-12-04T08:54:00.001+08:002009-12-04T08:55:22.554+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, woke up feeling like i got loads of thigns to do. a meaning ful day to spend. and really have loads to do.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1877986557946881261?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-17159548330293314992009-12-02T08:50:00.002+08:002009-12-02T08:58:32.738+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, wake up to feel that today will be a good day for me. though breathing feels a little hard on the chest, i wake up feeling that things will go differently for me today and that well, i must put extra effort for next week's exams.<br /> listing the things that i wana do.. but no time to do.. so when i have time to do.. must get down to do..<br /> packing room<br /> revising all my work(actually this one top pirority)<br /> printing my pia lab<br /><br /> taking care of guild people(and add mre people)<br /> harvest all my crop for ps<br /> max christmas dishes<br /> plan for holiday things outings<br /><br /> the thing with rina, well, now at a stand still, so i really duno wads going on. same with siti. kinda saw her at concourse the other day when going to class. saw g sleeping outside the library too.. ytd. haha actually dint have school, but then decided to come to school to study so went to level 7 after that to study.<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1715954833029331499?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-24418558939597215152009-11-26T14:22:00.001+08:002009-11-26T15:05:47.673+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today is thursday and well, loads of things are planned over the weekend as well as hari raya.<br />gota go..<br /><br />bb<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2441855893959721515?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-53490996019759428062009-11-24T09:27:00.002+08:002009-11-24T09:29:47.615+08:00Dear JC,<br />dropping by the polyclinic later and if i have time going to gym<br /><br />just me,<br />justin loh<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-5349099601975942806?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-72185232030517266142009-11-23T23:42:00.002+08:002009-11-24T00:19:42.244+08:00Dear JC,<br /> how have you been? today, is monday. the day.. the day.<br /> was just in the shower when a thought came to mind. before that, was just thinking about how to start today's post. and i remebered something i read a long time ago. about this man who prayed everyday and spoke to God. and all this was done on the one hour lunch break. one day, because he was working at a construction yard, he hurt his back and was paralysed back waist down. everyday after that, family and friends would come visit him and he would always remain cheerful. his consolation? "everyday, i asked Jesus how he was. and just after you leave, He would come and Say. "hi friend, how are you today"<br /> and i wana be just like that.<br /> anyways in the shower, i was just thinking, i havent thought about her for some time now. and well, for once in a long time, i was thinking.. this sense of freedom i havent felt in a long time. having no one that im attracted to.. its a good feeling. i mean, i do have mutal liking for the ocassional cute girl but i know its nothing until i get to know her better. yea yea..<br /> getting married in ms. and all my guy friends are "happy" for me. haha excited excited. peng is discussing what i should wear and cj well, getting recruitment of people to join guild. the rest? well, they are getting ready too.. joining the guild and getting nice stuff to wear..<br /><br />just me<br />kairos renovartio<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-7218523203051726614?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-40199447451777960372009-11-20T01:02:00.002+08:002009-11-20T01:12:53.567+08:00Dear JC,<br /> its been a long day today, and still feeling tired, i find myself doing my work and reminicing the good old music ive been listening to for a long time. find that its something i can fall back on. its so hard and easy to find people who enjoy the same music as me.<br /> its been like.. 1 day since that happened.. and im reminded by the little voice inside me saying that i should spend some time being by myself. cos corney as it sounds, ill be desperate and it would usually end pretty badly for both parties.<br /> tests ended today and well, not feeling any relief. i think theres still so much on my mind and so little time to do them. finding it hard to find time for myself. and still, more and more people and things are demanding me for time. people expect so much from me. because of my uncanny ability to get people together, moving, working together. and not for one moment am i ungrateful for it! still, i want to find someone who can sympathise with me.<br /> a friend talked to me about the friend's problem the other day. and i was thinking,life truly isint always a bed of roses. one day your gona get thorns and other horrid stuff.<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4019944745177796037?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-65050019982431860382009-11-18T13:58:00.002+08:002009-11-18T14:08:23.486+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, woke up feeling tired. woke up several times during the night and then falling into what most call a drifting sleep. so this morning, was mopping around.<br /> siblings are going to london soon. and though i wana go, i got things to do as well. school and stuff to worry about.<br /> school is throwing me loads of stuff now. and sad thing is that i dont really feel like doing them so im doing it only during the last minute. tonight, theres jam and hop. dancing in school. and me and hadi going. after this (CSAS now btw) theres still a 3 hr lab going on. as if theres nothing more happening, im reminded that tml there is also 3 tests comming up tml and a lab report im supposed to hand in on friday.<br /> rach just smsed me that she wana treat our relationship as friends cos she dun wana regret it. well, i guess now im just numb..<br /> CJ and the guys are planning a saturday gym thing. and i tell myself that i wana go. friday, im joining clarence for gym.. so friday and sat we going gym. year end im going to do a ice skating, k box, pool(billard pool kind of pool) and everythign. then theres christmas to think about also. *drowning mode now.. then then.. then theres also.. svc to think about.. and.. theres also.. rina's dinner thing.. dont really feel like talking to L.Y.Z now when i got so many things to worry about.. wana ask CJ to come along as well. but then, i think sometings i just want company. ming is missing and so i dont really wana ask him. heard his doing some project, which is good for a change. dont wana ask him to our games cos he cant admit that he is not as good as us and yet wants to win.. stating facts here.. and peng'd mom doesent like us. ok me in general cos peng doesent wana study. just wish he would, cos sometimes when i ask hadi why hes not going for lessons, hadi doesent wana answer me. cos well, i dont think he sometimes knows. wishing my friends would take care of themselfs wherever they are..<br /><br />just me,<br />kisreath renovartio<br />reatreat to me. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-6505001998243186038?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-72127195572417196202009-11-16T17:52:00.002+08:002009-11-16T18:07:23.616+08:00Dear jc,<br /> if time stood still for even a moment, what would i do in that moment. thinking back, maybe there were things that i shouldent have done and yet also the opposite. but right now, i guess that deciding on what i wana do now is the best course of action.<br /> things with me and rachel are kinda sad.. what i feel that is. cos everytime i wana talk about something, im reminded that so far, she hasent expressed any willingness to talk to me as well. is that ok? does all relationships go through this as well? i cant really remember if i told you. but i did write her an sms telling her that i was interested in her. and yet.. now, i realise that im in a grey area.. cos i know that she cant commit because of her parents. and our lives are so far apart. at the same time, feeling more composed of myself, i wonder if she does have anything for me. cos so far, it seems so one sided.. feeling so -.-<br /> promised to treat rina for a meal to celebrate that her o levels are over.. and so far, we cant even decide on the date. shes planning to invite zhenny so im bringing along CJ.. ming i not so sure.. wondering what would happen if i did ask ming along. he probally doesent wana go even if i ask him so what the heck.. shouldent waste my time telling him about it.<br /> btw, not feeling so confused these days. cos its like most of my feelings are decided already. but id be quite sad if it doesent work out. this is like.. the second girl only, in my life that i told i like her. so far its been like from afar kind of thing. it kinda sucks to know that ill have deeper emo scaring and stuff and cant do much about it.<br /><br />Just me,<br />Boy<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-7212719557241719620?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-34148062060536339892009-11-15T10:54:00.003+08:002009-11-15T11:00:56.613+08:00Dear Jc,<br /> yesterday, me and the guys went to safra to bowl. then turn out, from the accident i had with CJ, he couldent bowl btw, we had to forgo bowling. so we played pool instead. quite a nice game.<br /> was thinking that it was the kairos time yesterday. cos we saw zen so exhaustedly putting posters up. and when i saw him doing it alone, i got angry. cos it was like, we were friends, but he dint call to ask if we could help him. of course we helped him. and i made it quite clear i wasent happy due to that reason. good friends are for keeps, and if i intend to make more, ill add one to that number everytime i do my best for someone.<br /> brother and sister are going to london. and im thinking i should be jealous. but then i know i also have my responsibilities here in singapore. today, im thinking of M.A.D 5 and thinking of how i could have made a difference if i were to go as my changed self today back in time at that time during sec 3. im wondering how people would have seen me differently.<br /><br />gota go and check up on sweet now. i can see he is hard at work still..<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />i am the retreat. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-3414806206053633989?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-44406718974096221532009-11-12T08:31:00.002+08:002009-11-12T08:38:15.058+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, even until now, my breathing has been a little harsh. can feel the blood pumping harder than usual now. even though i hope tat its stress, sometimes it could not be so easy.<br /> think that today, i may need to do afew things. most importantly, would be to change my internal clock.<br /><br /><br />To the east i saw a goddess<br />beauty unmatched<br />who carried the adoration of the multitudes<br /><br />then to the west i saw a girl<br />common at heart<br />who treasured the attention of my lavished praise<br /><br />where the two may collide<br />may nothing divide<br />the chosen love<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />retreat. be the reborn.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4440671897409622153?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-41448787463284686572009-11-08T19:29:00.002+08:002009-11-08T19:37:17.925+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, well went to chuch with a sence of anticipation. thinking that finally, ill get to be in a cell again. of course under my terms. and then.. scared at the same time. cos its like its a chance to be meeting new people and new things. will they like me? will they be the same as the last one? and then.. dissapointment. when i waited like 1/2 an hour for the call which was supposed to happen. and then.. went home, when i reached home, still no call. right now, still waiting. wondering.. whats happening.<br />service was kinda ok.. i mean, thinking of the things that happened in the last. its been like 3 years already. sec 5 year 1 year 2.. yea.. closing to year 3 already. such a long time. and the service seem to be talking everythign and everythign about what happened at that time. dissapointment... pain.. all those things. and from that day on, i started to rebel. it was like.. i dint want to feel the pain again. such a long time.. and its still hazy.. but the feeling of betrayl is still there.. hidding.. and i cant seem to be rid of it.<br />today was kinda grey for me. when i reached home it was like.. my life started when i turned on the computer. people who dont use the com often wont know how i feel. its easier to talk online, when poeple are not as judgemental as the outside world. and you can be who you want to be.<br /><br />gota go now. ill catch you later<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br /><br />i am your retreat<br />when all else fails<br />speak and i shall listen<br />support and keep your secret<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4144878746328468657?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-22667595254679597152009-11-07T22:41:00.000+08:002009-11-08T04:22:52.527+08:00Thinking things clearer in the morning<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2266759525467959715?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-22072764587207127612009-11-06T22:13:00.002+08:002009-11-07T00:13:57.766+08:00Dear JC,<br />just closed off my blogspot thing from msn, and then also set it to busy. though i want some peace and quiet, but then cant seem to get any. once again the weight of the world is on my shoulders.<br />today, spent most of the morning in the library. until i realised that there wasent any school(wahid actually said that the teacher was busy) so played jurassic park and everything until wei zhi had to go home.<br /><br /><br />i guess the start of all that happened started yesterday, when CJ said that rachel came to school. course because i dint see her in such a long time, naturally was curious what she looked like. so after school yesterday, went to go find her.<br />she wore this bright red top and jeans and at first glance, i dint recognise her (id admit)personality wise, id say she hasent changed very much. innocent, quiet, shy all those.. but i found myself feeling protective of her and all those, wanting to spend time. when i saw her showed her around school, and started realising that there were many girls(funny now that i mentioned it, dint see any guys that i know) that i know during my tp life. and when walking next to her, it was like "natural" and yet "not natural" for me. cos shes not mine and yet, we are walking so close together. and by ourselves oso. damned damned..<br />and then on her way to the cheers, she went to check out one of the retail outlets. and duno what i was thinking, it was hui yi's store. obviously she thinks that rachel's my gf or someting, cos her eyes become big. remember writing this morning a note in facebook to her telling that im single and stuff. cos i remember in vietnam, she was asking me if i had a gf and i said no. so had to like drag rachel away or someting. before we left, hui yi managed to shove some sweets to rachel. and it was like.. i duno how to write here.(ok i do bt i dont wana write here). in words it would say, that was kind of nice of her to ease the tension between us. yea, before the trip i do admit that i did have a little thing for her. unfortunately, circumstances kept us appart during the trip and after it we kinda just dint seem to see any sense of starting anything.<br />and then i guess the feelings musta started properly when we were at mensa's fountain area, and it started to rain. it was like an automatic reaction when i put my arm around her to guide her into the shelter. damned.. not feeling regret but writing it in here sometimes could mean many things for me. though sometimes i do deny it, i know that people come here..<br />remeber one incident, years ago. told a friend(girl)(not rachel) once about another girl(not rachel) that i liked. at that time, we were just friends so i dont know if she felt anything more than that, cos later, i remember i was taking a shower one day, and some guy, using her phone called and started taunting me about the girl i liked. though i never brought it up (even up till now) can say that ive been quite "scarred" by that incident.<br />just took a bath, and i dint even realise that i was wondering what is she doing. i guess what i wrote to the guys this afternoon was right. man.. im smitten. badly. is this what it means to fall for someone? i dont really wana find out what would happen if it doesent work out.<br />went home and i realised that the image of her was still in my mind. and i dint even say she looked great.<br />anyways thats what happened yesterday.<br /><br /><br />taking from where i left off, i was like so happy that she took time off to join me for lunch. at first, i was waiting for her call, all the way until ming and S.wayne started complaining, so i called and she said she'd wait for me outside the library. how'd i know that the whole group, comprising B.wayne, S.wayne, shawn, peng, hadi, ming, wei zhi, zen, jovan would all come along. (if you realise all guys). so we went. find myself savoring the clothes she was wearing today. jest now was hoping to set my thoughts in order by going roller blading.(what i got was a exhausted mind and body)(went all the way to GV, went around abit before rushing back). and during the trip i was thinking, did she wear brown today, cos i wore a brown jacket yesterday? today, we were like two brown people walking around cos i dint realise i wore brown though i did choose my clothes with more care than usual. she wore this long sleeved (yesterday i wore long sleeved blue) brown shirt and pants. and well, it just suited her. this time i was ready to say she looked great. but she beat me to it. so all i could do was agree. then when we went to the engineering canteen, it was like, chaos. cos half the time, i was wishing it was just me and her. and yet, scared that there is nothing we can talk about. then later it coulda been a bad thing cos i was damned jealous when zen started talking to her.. later, peng had to leave with zen and jovan, hadi left with B.wayne and shawn to go to cds class and library respectively. anyway they all started drifting away one by one until all that was left was me, ming and her. T.T not alone yet. then met clarence. fast forwarding => we went to library, clarence and ming go find dvds, while me and her go find a book. then we then use the school coms. remember "cosying" next to each other in front of the coms, and i was thinking now i know how it feels. all those couples who do that when they are in their own world. remember sitting real close and smelling the faint shampoo in her hair when she doubles over when we laugh.<br />until she had to leave.. some idiot guy cajouled her into having a meal with her. so i walked her to the opposite prata stall there before leaving<br /><br /><br />could this be infactuation? why am i so nuts about her. was wondering since left techno food court later, and then, still wondering now. in any case, most probally if we cant meet again, all would be a waste. wana bring her out on a proper thing, but seems like our schedules are packed or something. maybe its me.<br /><br />deciding that its time to let go of the past and come in with the new. min was right, maybe my hormones havent settled. but can you blame me? for wanting to have a feel of what couples feel. tried a little more today and id be lying if i said i dint enjoy it.<br /><br /><br />in my moments of weakness<br />may your glory be with me<br />guide me that i do not sin<br />for without you i am weary<br /><br />just me,<br />justin - today, i enjoy life just like every other odinary guy<br />time to let down by guards. by alittle<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2207276458720712761?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-84231660367434506212009-11-05T11:32:00.003+08:002009-11-05T11:41:42.704+08:00Dear Jc,<br />today, well i think that since im in school and using the com, i might as well take this 1 hr break to write some stuff. for me well, waking up today, although i did wake up with more energy, i confess that im feeling mre troubled than usual. maybe because of my abstinence.<br />went to school today and went to see if g was sleeping at the spot. bt then she seems to be more tired than me. cos very hard to talk when shes intent on sleeping. for me at that point of time, i think i was expecting a bad day.<br />later when i went to library to find people, saw wayne playing ms. when peng came they started to enter into a world of their own. wanted much to be included, but they blatently ignored me. so i got pissed and left. even now still pissed. asked wayne jest now to leave me alone. and seems like B.wayne and shawn are in it too. maybe i should just be pissed with everyone today.<br />duno why bt when i stormed the library later at 9, was expecting a average class. however, the morning's episodes left me exhausted and tired. i am now expecting hadi to sms or call me later about lunch, havent really decided if i want to include him in this mess. peng would folow of course and well, i dont want him eating alone if hadi knew the whole problem.<br />really tired now, and wondering if i can survive till the end of today.<br /><br />deciding on the course of celibacy<br />an answer to this epitimacy<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />the keeper of secrets<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8423166036743450621?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-26351332161896599492009-11-02T08:56:00.002+08:002009-11-02T15:01:51.059+08:00Dear JC,<br /><br />woke up today and very tired. slept at like 3 last night.<br /><br />today, think that i wana try set my life straight. Peng and hadi they all, duno if we meeting up later for lunch or wad. then was thinking of ming. realise that he only join us very rarely.<br /><br />anyway, spent time with clarence and wei zhi for lunch at biz park. although in the morning, was kind of tired, the tiredness seems to be lingering even up to now. wondering what peng and hadi are doing now. seems like the work is getting slowly to all of us.<br /><br />was kind of wondering if i can go to popular and get the headphones. but then, its kind of expensive. wondering if i should go to get the 2 for 12.90 one or the 1 for 8.90. zz so expensive. and looking at my younger bro, was thinking, hey he's living such an expensive lifestyle. sometimes, im jealous, but today, well i guess im proud that hes living such a vibrant lifestyle. the only regret i have about him is that he listens to metal music and plays with bombs. i mean cant be be like every other odinary kid like his age? cant be be more like me? bt then i guess i dont want him to be doing things like me all the exact things. we are definately different.<br /><br />yesterday, he got angry with me for scolding him when he said the right thing but phrased it wrongly. i guess hes still growing. later when i reached home he was alright again. maybe hes just couldent stand that he might dissapoint me. somethings dont change. some do.<br /><br />today, the class seems to be interacting with me and wei zhi more. just last week, i took a step back and thought. hey, wei zhi changed much. and i think maybe its because me and the guys gave him a chance to change. and im so happy and glad for it. i guess most of us are.<br /><br />saw anthea on the way for lunch. hahas, actually i saw her friend first and was wondering where did i see her from. abit wierd recognising a person i have totally no relation to and not the friend. wondering more about the friends(aquantiances) which i havent been contacting for some time now. people like justin ng, wen xing, siti, nicholas, jarrold. yea. these people.<br /><br />was surfing the facebook the otehr day and saw that one of my gv classmates posted a picture of our class in there. and was thinking if i should go and write someting. maybe later. hahas i just decided.<br /><br />right now, gota do stuff that i should be doing.<br />laters!<br /><br />Just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream be the reborn.<br /><br />if life can get you down<br />may you fly on heaven's wings<br />throw down the heavyness<br />and pick up renovartio<br />what you were meant to be<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2635133216189659949?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-48682414966898407412009-10-30T23:08:00.002+08:002009-10-30T23:29:33.926+08:00Dear Jc,<br /> Dearest friend..<br /> today, kind of a full day like i expected it today. closer to the end of the day, kind of feeling depressed when i saw some couples at the mall. it kinda got to me, cos later, as i confessed to hadi and peng, was like, did i do something wrong? was i too perfect? or too imperfect? what did i do wrong to not have someone to concentrate on now. then in my head, i was thinking things that i usually think when in depressed. like, your not good enough and everything. was so quiet. and thanks for friends like that. i mean, they dont react like CJ or min, they keep quiet with me until im ready to talk to them. started talking about the past again and everything. was going to something that was bugging me last night when hadi said it was time to go. im thinking of weather i should talk to them about it on monday. then after hadi gone off at the bus stop, took the long dark way home, singing helped abit. but when i came online, first thing i saw (after such a long time), my wall in facebook. then i saw someone special say happy birthday and was kinda happy. but then i realised that she had someone already. after so long of being apart(not in her life) she must have found someone else. right now, feeling worse cos im scolding myself for holding on to that hope. im lost now. really lost. cos i duno how to get these intense feelings away. i guess its really my fault. cos CJ always tells me to forget her. and well, i never took him seriously. guess im falling hard now.<br />recently, i found someone in school. but have been seriously debating on either of them. cos i guess the main criteria for me is that when i like a person, i must get to know that person. and i got to know a little about her. and i realised that she and i really share so many things in common. but jest now, i was thinking, maybe shes really not that interested in these sort of things. cos seriously, sometimes, i feel like crap. sometimes, the vibes are there, and others they are not. so i dont really know what to do. i guess im so tired.<br />maybe thats why i have hadi, peng. CJ, min. S.wayne, B.wayne, shawn. 1d, wei zhi, lianto. surrounding myself with guys. you know, recently, been having so many talks with peng and hadi. heart to hearts that is. and i can see that, it helps me to understand my friends better. havent talked like this in a long time with sweet and ming. i mean we do, but its been so long. seems like.. the world is getting in the way. going to rest now. ill still be here i mean. all the time. if you need to talk to me.<br /><br />the world is like a rushing wind<br />never ceasing never stopping<br />so like the waters of rivers<br />we flow without stopping<br />hoping thinking;<br />that we would never start again<br /><br />Just me,<br />Kairos Renovartio<br />(p.s p.s you've been prompting me to start writing my essays again. i dont really know what it means but, if you have a plan for me, give me back my imagination. something interesting to write about.)<br />(Thanks)<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4868241496689840741?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-40494064105445565132009-10-28T21:56:00.002+08:002009-10-28T22:26:43.069+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, kind of a full packed day. bad in so many senses. cant really see any good in it today. i think that being awake today was a good thing. cos mainly i was tired.<br /> woke up at around 6.30 today cos was supposed to bring daughter to school(TP) bt i got the timing mixed up. was supposed to send her there by 7.30 then i only left the house around 7. then had to take a taxi. for you guys to know. i dont really like taxis. their freaking expensive. anyways when reached school was thinking of what im supposed to do so early in school. then, wanted to go library at round 8 bt then lukeman(classmate) joined me so ended up around 8.30 going there. when reach there, before i got my daily routines done, wayne comes in so we sit down and i get the honor of dying a couple of times before losing the war. class is starting soon and seb calls to ask if i can print a set of notes with him. so library level 1 printing shop i go. seems like there cannot print. so i have to walk back up to lvl 2 to use the com. luckly, was there on time. bt then later i concentrate well in class, then ah zhi wan to copy my work and then i dun wan. left me stressed.<br /> later comes a series of s.cheryl(daughter frm jest now) saying she having lunch with her hubby. CJ being sick so we have to eat at flavors. after csas at library wasting an hour mulling around waiting for sweet(a.k.a CJ) and friends to finish. then going for lab again, and realising that the teacher is this indian teacher with pms. minor disagreement with ah zhi. after lab go library to find they all and then realise that only ming and wayne there. so we omg abit and ended quite late. "waking up" frm the experience at around 8.30, i realised that g had actually come to the library and talk to me. z mum and dad had called also to ask if i was having dinner. zz waking up was kinda sad for me, cos in the end i realise that im still a asshol*. comming home, actually was bombarded about how life is unfair for him. and at the same time wishing for some peace and quiet while silently bombarding myself with how life is unfair for me. bt during it all i realised that i nid to empathise sometimes.<br /> i think im begining to understand what is mutual liking. many times today, i talk to girls in my life and i realise that i can talk better. well, perhaps i still care too much about how they think of me bt i guess life still goes on. "life is like a vaccum cleaner. it sucks. - g" goes on in my head now. maybe i should stop wishing for things to happen and try to make them happen. still pretty much a dreamer.<br />thats all for now. i hope to be able to send in more brighter entries soon<br /><br />just before i close my heart<br />a ray of light shines up<br />to hide the clouds of disarray<br />away with wounding night<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4049406410544556513?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-13937547937815422372009-10-26T19:02:00.002+08:002009-10-26T19:26:17.117+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, well, came to school after what it seems like so long a holiday. and i think that being in school with friends saps my strength. in a good way i mean. so tired.. now in library. with wayne and shawn.<br /> well, for me, lots of things. came to school to do my work. (hardworking). then when i sit down, i noticed something familar about this girl sitting in a corner. haha, was "g". dint want to wake her. cos shes sleeping so peacefully.<br /> tml i dont plan to come to school.<br /><br />theres a kind of hush. all over the world tonight...<br />all over the world you can hear the sounds of lovers in love...<br /><br />just me,<br />justin loh tcm<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1393754793781542237?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-31884607251224306572009-10-18T23:23:00.002+08:002009-10-18T23:44:45.780+08:00Dear JC,<br /> because yesterday, when after ice skating come home, was worried that today wont be able to wake up early. so i went to sleep early. now have time so im gona update on what happened yesterday.<br /> started at around 9.20 mainly because the white sands team was late. minG, kitty and hadi all woke up at around 8.45 when that was the time we were supposed to meet. anyways we reached kallang at around 10+ and most of the people we were supposed to meet along the way were already at the complex waiting for us. kitty's friend was late and so we had to wait for abit. small cheryl(my greenview secondary school daughter) also had her boyfriend comming but because he was so early, he decided to go there on his own.<br /> when we reached the ice skating place, we had to rush in because there was a resurfacing of ice at 1pm for about 20 minutes. so we reached around 10.50pm.<br /> my world seems different whenever i step on the ice. everytime i step on the ice life seems to become timeless and before i know it, the times is up. told cj to take care of the tickets and it seemed that it was a good thing too because when the resurfacing of the ice was about to take place, CJ told us that we had liek 1/2 an hour more to go before times up. and time was passing so fast. anyways on the ice we had like so much crazy. hansel and hadi was very concentrating concentrating. must not fall must not fall.cheryl was screaming the place down cos she keep on falling. the others were all just having a good time. CJ was skating still moderately well. ming was reckless. daryl(small cheryl's bf) can skate but he is most of the time by himself. kitty seems to be two timing her friend. dont really care.. she got angry when her boyfriend called me to ask if she was there and i told the truth. anyways im free now so very happy. got more important things to do. later hadi had to go off after lunch so i sent him off. talked abit then he left.<br /> later that evening, me, ming and cj went to elias to lan. was kinda ok till the werewolf keep killing us. then, cj wanted to vamp bt we dont have enough players. later went home feeling tired and contented. today, i guess spending time with friends and understanding how people think is interesting. find myself thinking of drp<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-3188460725122430657?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-76915822119973444452009-10-18T22:57:00.002+08:002009-10-18T23:19:54.836+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, me, peng song(PS), and minG(NL) went to malaysia. actually clarence was supposed to join us. bt then he was sick. hadi oso, bt he have lessons. then again, we had a bad start cos we were supposed to start at 8. (at least thats what we planned) then ming the day before say he want to sleep abit mre so i say 10 can anot. so bargain until 10.30. sadly we only left at 11.20 cos he say parents cook then he forgot his passport.<br /> today's experience was new cos we stoped at woodlands instead of kranji then took a new bus all the way in.. 950 if i remember correctly. anyways when we reach inside, was totally new experience for me cos peng was with us. so the group a little larger. we watched cloudy with a chance of meatballs (hehe sam was cute with big eyes and short hair. but i prefer the pony tailed version, seems more study innocent kind). we reached the place at around 12.45 so we eat first and then hang around for the 3pm show. of course we shopped around for candy, and then "lan"ed abit. haha saw xsingzaix online then he was surprised naturally mostly the com lagged abit. after the movie was around 5 already. so we went to eat dinner at a satay place outside of the shopping mall. after spamming like 50 satays(can go sumore) and a bowl of kambeng soup, we paid around 30 rm. definately comming back again next time. after dinner it seemed like we would be heading back home. but then i wanted to check out the popular shop's cd. oldies 101. if you guys ever want to buy music from malaysia, dont. hahas. its more expensive than singapore by around $8. bought afew nice tshirts and badges before anything.<br /> was very tired on the way back. took a new bus that costs 90 sen rm. and all the way until kranji. not bad haha. then we take mrt all the way home.<br /> tried sleeping but then the music was hurting my ears and the people keep on jostling me away at every opportunity. the train was moving recklessly also. at tampinese me and ming seperated. later on the bus, duno what happend until ps said i was smiling at a girl who was also smiling back. honestly speaking i din realise anything. i think i was stoning or something. all i remember is that she was wearing yellow. anyways. on the way home, was thinking that because im so quiet and shy all the time. maybe it would help myself if i can smile at girls when im on the road. not the sick kind of smile. but the sincere kind. what do you all think?<br /><br />the tiredness is killing me, talk to you laters<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream be the reborn.<br /><br />(p.s p.s just want to remember to make a tshirt with my initials and moto printed on behind. ive draged too long)<br /><br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream be the reborn<br />Vamp fire sg host<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-7691582211997344445?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-86392717507928711462009-10-16T00:24:00.004+08:002009-10-16T00:53:36.900+08:00Dear JC,<br />today, went to the osip talk thingy and well, realised that things havent really changed between my class and me. was really hoping they would include the quiet guy in class. bt then i wont abandon ah zhi.hes a nice guy i mean once you get to know him. little hickups here and there bt still ok.<br />ice skating is on saturday and malaysia is on sunday. wondering if people will pull out or not.. so hard to get people together.. and most of them are like rabits like that.. you go first you go first.. see how many people going.. sometimes i wonder who im doing this for..<br />today, spent the end of the day most with CJ. was great talking to him. at tm i met zu xian and her friend and somehow or another, we started talking about ice skating.. lols.. bt then i wonder if mum will foot the 150 + dollar thing per month. ming seems to be missing.<br />right now, talking to felicia, hui yi and zu xian. CJ seems to be stonging. 1d too..<br />today, was thinking of what girl i would like.. and i remembered that i thought of this a long time ago. now, i cant really be sure. whole mixed up jumble jumble.. confused feelings.. what i thought i left behind i guess i dint realy left behind. what i thought i had, i really got. what i dint want to happen. happened anyway. zz<br /><br />gtg now,<br />laters<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8639271750792871146?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-28681600669236498452009-10-11T00:57:00.002+08:002009-10-11T01:00:14.877+08:00Dear jc,<br /> hahas, i noe i noe that im bloggering again.. bt then i wana write sumore things that happen between when i was writing just now and now..<br /> hahas, im watching cyndi wang MVs and lols shes so funny. she and her bf are so funny and like perfect couple. then later, when i went to see her dadada vid, her bf was so funny. haha, like robot stone and dancing. but she surprised me by tapdancing. sounds great! ok ok maybe im high now.. laters!<br /><br />just me<br />justin<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-2868160066923649845?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-8517221916240715212009-10-10T23:59:00.002+08:002009-10-11T00:17:22.018+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today well, hahas i think im in a high high and low low mood. right now im in a high mode, maybe later part of the post, i might become low hahas. but ill end off high, i hope.. at least i can potray when i want to.<br /> today, me and CJ spent most part of the day together. for one, i woke up at around 12.45 when he was expected to come at around 1. anyways, when i woke up, no one was home. so i did my chores and then settled down until he came over.<br /> for the most part of the day, well, we vamped and was kinda high. actually we DOTAed first then after that went online to the vamping community which always welcomed us. there, for the first time, in a long time, i met holy ash. another vamper in SG. havent seen any vampers for a long time. people like zi long and all of them, well they have all more or less dissapeared. mainly because of school and proud, arogant people in the world. hahas, did i tell you that me(KR), CJ, and min(NL) are all on a private quest, a crusade as you would call it, to rid the world of such people. as well as change such people in singapore(SG). CJ often sees the part of me shine up, the one i keep hidden from people when i say to him.. i want to train a new generation of vampers. i want people to see both sides with good sportsmanship. yes.. i guess it is what you call passion. and i wont stop till i reach this goal. i can feel the excitement even just thinking about it. i will change the world in what little way i can. first thing i can do is change the people around me. infect them with this feeling and they will continue to do the rest.<br /> wondering now about my friends. thinking if they really are keen on ice skating or the small group of confirmed malaysia. these few days, ive spent talking and telling close friends of the going ons in my life. i believe this is the way friends can trust each other and keep close. i feel my insides cry when i see close friends drift away from me.. guess im still kinda soft inside. anyways, ice skating has a large number of people who are confirmed maybes. whereas there is a really small number of confirmed going. i wish sometimes these leaps of faith were taken from me. i dont want to disapoint people.<br /> today, well im thinking once again of some girls in my life. when i talked to CJ about it, he said well, i shouldent worry. and i duno. sometimes i wonder when that right girl will come my way. i see others so happy and i wonder if mine will come soon. but, will i settle for second best? will she be what i expect? what i dont expect? what i underexpect? then again, i wonder if im being fair. i wish sometimes these questions can be answered.<br /> right now, i duno what im rushing for. theres nothing else for me to do after this.but im still rushing. im thinking about vietnamese friends, thinking about my essays i have to write.<br /><br />so close.. and yet.. so far<br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />live life to the fullest. lets start with breathing<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-851722191624071521?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-74800399723142344402009-10-09T17:27:00.002+08:002009-10-09T17:35:30.456+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today IS gc presentation. well for most part of it, i was pretty scared while presentation cos so many people there. then i scared people wont listen or wad.. anyways. felt that later when im helping hui yi with presentation, i feel much better. hahas, wierd. anws, when the whole thing is done, and everyone is gathering to say a "formal" goodbye, i felt i cannot do it. for me, when friends are concerned, there never truly is a goodbye. so after the meeting i kinda like "run away".<br /> planning ice skating or malaysia trip. but then i duno that whos going. ming has a vote of confidence. but then, really whos going.. sometimes, i feel like im grown up and people look up to me. but then, sometimes, i feel that they dont take me seriously cos of my real age. maybe thats why i mix better with foreigners and friends younger than me.<br /><br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-7480039972314234440?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-9903042814693953852009-10-07T21:09:00.002+08:002009-10-07T21:21:36.859+08:00Dear jc,<br /> for the things that i cannot change and for the things that you can. i wana say thanks.<br /> been really tired these days. and i guess that keeping late nights is becoming a problem for me. right now, i wana write more but im really tired. thinking of things that i shouldent be thinking.. worrying about stuff normally i wouldent worry about. dear JC, pls give me some encouragement to think of what joy there is in life.<br /><br />thanks and pls give strength to take care of the sheep in my fold. help me to show them how much you love me..<br /><br />thanks,<br />just me,<br />kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-990304281469395385?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-40956871027521338812009-10-03T12:16:00.002+08:002009-10-03T12:39:14.494+08:00Dear jc,<br /> for time that stood still for me in singapore, i hope that things would not have changed that much in singapore. for my friends, for my plans, for school. thinking back, im thinking about school, if i have passed my exams, for my upcomming drp. hahas, i hope felicia dint leave too big a mess for me as well.<br /> right now, i guess this is my first and last post in vietnam. right now, have like 1/2 an hour before its time to leave. the bus is said to leave without people when heading for the airport. i think this is one theory we singaporeans would not like to test.<br /> first and foremost, well, i think that i confess to thinking alot about my life in singapore. about family, sis and bro. parents. yea.. selfishly it ends there for family. then as well, friends. im thinking about peng song, hadi, CJ, swundi, kit, funnily, yi zhen, wondering how she is, and rina, rachel, cheryl(small)(serlfishly only for her cos she is kinda important to me.. hahas precious daughter dd). and today on the last day. i realise that who i am today, what ive become is because of the willingness to allow myself to be shaped by them.<br /> vietnam is really a great country. for the many "few" that would not stop and appereciate its full beauty, i feel life would most definately pass them by as quickly as a floating butterfly. for the some who came here thinking they knew and still learned, i hope that it would be a life changing experience for them. i only hope that the few who said they knew, thought they knew and because of that dint learn as much would have the same experience. indeed, i feel that life should be taken in in silence. to think before we speak. to be mindful of the people and things that are happening around us. yes that is very important to me. and under few circumstances, that would change. for me in vietnam, i guess i have found some very good and important friends. people who would listen to what a quiet guy like me have to say. and even at the end of the day, they would still not be proud and say they totally understand me. for some, it is considered a great blessing. for me, good friends are hard to make, and even rarer to find.<br /> here in vietnam, i have learned more and more about the country since the last trip. a few listened, a few followed, but what i treasure most is that everyone was themselves. for themselves. ive kept the computer at bay for a while now. hopefully, JC would help to do the things that are hard for me and shoulder that burden. this is my wish.<br /> Dear jc,<br /> even though time have passed, you have still not forgotten my prayers.. to find good friends, united, and loved. you have not forgotten that life is too precious to be lost to idleness and what society says. thank you for listening to me when i asked you to show me more of myself. cos, well, i have listened to myself and done some thinking.. its been somewhat a new experience for me when i say that ive changed too.. in little ways. im controling myself more.. refraining of the past's trials, the one i never told zu xian. the one that i failed in the past which was the one i must keep my heart to myself. and not give it away. i have fallen but i know that JC you will help me once again to keep my head up. thanks alot<br /><br /> the vietnam thing was really educational. for one, i started off feeling wierd. cos im always used to helping people in less fortunate countries. and this is not really happening this trip. cos its like.. this trip is educational. for one i dint bring my swiss knife, or my torch light. there was no real need for mosquito repellant and though i did bring along my previous memmories of vietnam, it has already been deminished by time. comming back here, has started the replenishing process.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4095687102752133881?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-34815251190951369362009-09-26T19:14:00.001+08:002009-09-26T19:19:49.800+08:00hies, all, im leaving tomorrow morning.. 10 am terminal 2 row 7..<br /><br /> BUBBIES! SINGAPORE!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-3481525119095136936?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-89387489772831385542009-09-24T17:08:00.003+08:002009-09-24T17:19:36.052+08:00Dear jc,<br /> hahas, im on my way out of the house now. and i think that these days, anime watching has been part of my life for some time now.<br /> lately, been watching shuffle. and well that was good too. ended the anime yesterday and well, it feels like a roller coaster ride for me. then yesterday i started on somethign random.. pandora hearts.. and well, all the way through the night, i cant stop thinking about the anime. yea i take it the girl is attractive. bt then.. i think its more of the plot of the story that im attracted to. in any case, i can say that im hooked to it now. there is so much more that i can watch and already at episode 9 im hooked onto it. hahas..<br /> yesterday was rollerblading and it feels great to be out of the house.<br /> i think.. sometimes i get angry with ming.. cos well, i invest more time getting people together and when min comes along, he automatically assumes control of the situation. i guess thats why sometimes i dun want him to be part of the things that i do. the friends that im with. cos i am special with or without him. decisions that i make may not necessarily be the right one for me. but i do take care of the people who are under me. thats how i like it.<br /> im leaving for vietnam; ho chi minh city sunday. i wonder who will be comming.. im thinking of how people are going to see me off. 1d says hes comming. but i guess asking CJ.. he hasent asked anything about me yet.. i guess he waits most of the time for me to tell him things.<br /><br /><br />im not crazy im just a little random<br />ok very random<br />bt then i do think things differently<br /><br />justin thin - dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-8938748977283138554?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-8979639057760776462009-09-22T22:06:00.002+08:002009-09-22T22:58:31.733+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, was really dissapointed with night. and then thinking back.. was really angry with ps. cos he keep ksing me.. anws.. we should really have the connection thing up.. we have much to discuss.<br /> thinking about the anime that im watching. and i think that i dont really want to watch the next episode. kaede.. damned, i felt since the begining that she should be the one that rin chooses. damned asa senpai is good too.. damned.. why must the director do this.. i think i just wana kill him.. when i find my special someone.<br /> i think i wan someone who enjoys the same music as i do.. now, over the radio.. they are playing.. way back into love.. may not be the same music.. bt i wan the same love for music. hahas..<br /> jest now, was just thinking why im feeling jealous. then maybe its cos there is soemthing that im missing. GC will change lives. how much.. well, i hope to discover why me and ming have been friends for so long. these few days, ive been thinking only about how different we are. ming is defiantely happy about our friendship. but i think that there is alot of anger and pent up feelings. we also have a long history.<br /><br /> thinking thinking.. and im not even winnie the pooh<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-897963905776077646?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-78529650350338429792009-09-21T16:41:00.002+08:002009-09-21T16:55:43.076+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, me and ming was supposed to meet abas and lincon for prj. bt then things got in a mess so me and ming solo going to do.<br /> last night, played hell's kitchen. so happy cos i got a new high score. 136. very very nice.. then my RC can see improvement. cos im doing mre nicer things now.. maxed bro and Cj desert. then later we going to garena or something.<br /> the bday was kinda nice ok ok.. me, ps, hadi, ming and CJ we all go eli and mess around. play abit of hide and seek in the carpark. then we broke up the party at around 12. reached home around 1. on the way home, well, spent the time thinking about stuff in my life. stuff that i nid to straighten. right now, still wondering if i had a gf, can i take care? haha, maybe sometimes, its best to life carefree life and wait for something to happen. anws, went home real late so got down to sleeping as soon as got home. spent the morning gyming wif sweet a.k.a CJ. so yesterday and today, arms are acheing.<br /> yesterday, spent most of the day taking care of facebook accounts. 11 accounts are too much. zz take care of RC, PS, CS, VW. too much liaos. haha.. and still must find time to watch anime. keep myself updated.<br /> tomorrow, i duno if i will be meeting the class again. cos tomorrow is consulation for GC. very lost as to what is going to happen tomorrow. how i wish this class is the class i have for my course. cos its like much nicer and more comfortable than my current class. bt then.. that would be selfish rite? everyone have their life to live.<br /> today, im thinking about greenview sec. thinking about the past. is it ok to dwell on old stuff? thinking about cheryl and all. small cheryl, Darl daughter, is becoming more withdrawn. and there seems to be nothing i can do to help her. there used to be a mutual understanding between us. now, i just wonder. and keep wondering. mini too. shes like becomming a rebel. or something. we just dont talk anymre. wonder whats happen to basil, rachal, adeline, katerine and shawn. call it care frozen in ice. havent lost or gained any over these time.<br /> leaving for vietnam soon. hopefully people here are thinking and remincing the good old days when we went overseas. hahas, come to think about it. felicia just added me in facebook.<br /><br />three cheers for everyone.<br />just me, kairos renovartio<br />dare to dream. be the reborn<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-7852965035033842979?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-2290627456871812792009-09-18T23:21:00.002+08:002009-09-18T23:45:10.168+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, is quite hectic for me. for one theres driving and theres sub paper too. ended up having a whole lot of confused feelings right up to the sub paper. feel that lots of people hate me. well, maybe im wrong.<br /> tomorrow, gona go gym and stuff. planning to go elias for bday celebration. getting a cake and all. bt then i duno hadi the plan. duno if ming wants to go downstairs also. kinda wierd. anws, monday were meeting in school for prj meeting. hopefully by then ming would have replinished the mith, coal and iron stock. right now, playing with the stocks market, hoping my stock will rise soon... now im rune surfing cos i got to replenish stocks.. so since im rune surfing, cant go maple. escaping wildy now wonder what peng and shawn and friends are doing. same with online peeps omega, boss and 2myhearts. nice people the whole lot of them.<br /> been making alot of new friends. guess that if i stop worrying so much, and try to be myself, it would help alot. however, its hard in cassie. not much people.<br /> facebook is becoming a problem. its not easy maintaining 3 accounts. saving money now to do more stuff in ps, rc and cs(country stry).<br /><br /> kk kit, yours truly<br />me<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-229062745687181279?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-1933961843716881612009-09-13T12:49:00.002+08:002009-09-13T13:18:59.883+08:00Dear JC,<br /> these past days, have been sick with cough fever and headache. thinking back, i think maybe its cos i worry too much.<br /> got really sick in class one day and decided to write some cipher. not very ingenious but i hope it will be something me and ming can use if we are ever in a situation.<br /> friday, and we've just got back from ACM asia cultural museum. i think it really was good place. learned alot about the cultures of indians and muslims. nice place. we took lots of pictures too. clement brought his dslr along. should i tell him that his looks remind me of jeffery? jeffery likes his camera too. maybe in the world, all who looks like clement and jeff likes cameras.<br /> should have sent everyone the email of the class yesterday. but parents took me to malaysia where although i felt horrible most of the time, i did enjoy myself.<br /> was thinking and still thinking. do i prefer shy girls, or the quiet ones? maybe im traditional. looking over a room, i think ill see girls who sit in quiet pairs. and shes that one usually hidding behind the fringe. long hair? definately. never mind me, im just a nutcase.<br /> monday, theres going to be a horrible clash in time table. math remedial and cds. hoping kenneth will help abit. duno why but i feel that dion khoo is picking on me. people think that students bully. but teachers are people too. they would do it if they could get away with it. not saying all. but just him. got the impression he doesent like me. it seems that hes away for a year now, and suddenly hes mr america and comes back with a vengence when i fail a sub.<br /> got loads to do now, laters<br /><br />just me<br />kairos - Fate intertwined<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-193396184371688161?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-19698097509005664192009-09-07T07:51:00.002+08:002009-09-07T08:00:07.941+08:00Dear jc,<br /> today, woke up with the thoughts of ichigo 100 on my mind. actually was kinda thinking about it the whole time ever since i started the second season. who is manuka going to choose.<br /> the study girl(who up till now, hasent confessed)? she did give him up after following him to a school below her grades.<br /> the pri school crush? the more mature girl in all of manuka's group. she choose to go to another school and doesent really truly give up on him. (personally am drawn to this trait. wonder why). shes also very shy and shows her beauty when she one day, accidently, when she lets down her hair and glasses.<br /> an energetic girl, the girl who manuka is truly himself. doesent give him a chance to be with anyone else and you can feel the hurt when she finds him doing so.<br /><br /> keep wondering cos i keep changing my choice. at first when he gave up the pri school crush, i thought hey the study girl followed him over. she definately deserves to be with him. then, i heard myself say omg when the energetic girl confesses her liking for him on a rooftop.<br /> today, i know i will be thinking long and hard. now, thinking the quiet study girl doesent deserve him. once again, can hear myself scolding him. asshole. sway. baka.<br /><br />just me,<br />justin.<br /><br />ps ps today is the start of the GC thingy! woopie<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1969809750900566419?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-63683052672571706652009-09-06T21:40:00.002+08:002009-09-06T22:05:24.925+08:00Dear jc,<br /> tomorrow is the start of global citizenship, or GC for short, for me. gota take lessons for a week + then im on my way off to vietnam, ho chi ming city for another week. i know that ill miss lots of people here but i know that ill enjoy myself over there as well. all i hope is that i will be able to do well in my studies in singapore and finish this CDS sui sui. this is also the first time ill be travelling far away from singapore with ming. CJ is working now. so kinda hard to meet with him sometimes.<br /> actually we are planing to meet this comming friday cos kit's friend is having a bbq. but cant get the details. looking back, i dont think id have done this last time.<br /> watching some thing now. so, yea. tomorrow is gona be a long day too. so, i think i should turn in early.<br /><br />just me,<br />Justin<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-6368305267257170665?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-10279865538354631392009-08-29T22:05:00.002+08:002009-08-29T22:11:36.689+08:00Dear jc,<br /> stupid that i wrote like 1/2 an hour ago. now im writing again. was just doing the youtube and ps/Rc things. then came across a song that was retarded but happened to me.<br /> i dont know you anymore - Savage garden<br /> right now, im thinking of the vietnam things and drp and everything that happen today. was planning to drownmyself in ms bt then, i wana finish my things first. haiis. exams may be over. but emotions are still running high.<br /><br />later, hopefully i wont come back again.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-1027986553835463139?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-5793610520443014192009-08-29T21:29:00.002+08:002009-08-29T21:31:53.508+08:00Dear Jc,<br /> though she may not know it. today i did go to bugis. very tired now. changed songs and stuff. talked to peng all the way home. then how, crashing the whole place down. meaning myself btw. very tired.<br /><br />i knew i loved you<br />before i met you..<br /><br />Justin and lingo<br />ggg<br />Qlg<br />Elg<br />LL<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-579361052044301419?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-76658818765276339592009-08-26T20:58:00.003+08:002009-08-26T21:04:01.059+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today's exam was a total fiasco. i think i totally blew it. then, all around me, people started dropping like flies. duno how to do.. kns.. talked alittle to yi mei and i think she is more confident in doing better than me even though there's much she duno how to do.<br /> then, tml is UO. im thinking, die, better do this one well.<br /> After exams, dont think there will be time for myself. i think, im gona be real busy. cant really make time for my friends. unless we meet online or something. cos im going vietnam and having my DRP as well. driving and guitar lessons are underway. must teach the guys VF. if its the last thing that i do.<br /> charging mp3 now. laters<br /><br />just me.<br />XrenoC<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-7665881876527633959?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-37733587051235651822009-08-22T19:47:00.002+08:002009-08-22T19:58:22.792+08:00Dear JC,<br /> today, is kinda ok for me. started on em2 then need to charge my mp3.<br /> surfing youtube for abit and came across some vamp fire vids. and i think if me ming and cj were to see these, we'd be thinking. are you sure your good? most of the games there are a collaboration kind. meaning they work with each other to put the vid together. can see cos the three of us, pride our skills ingame. and we'll get pissed with people who throw that all over the floor. these youtubers dont know what real playing really is =S.<br /> exams is round the corner and i can feel the vibes comming from PS, hadi and all. kinda creepy. wayne doesent seem to want to study. still werewolfing i guess. zz for him wise i duno if i wana play with him. he keeps on stealing my stuff. ideas and everything. then he says he's the best. well, killed him on countless occasions. dont wana say anything. 11th vamp is comming along fine. after the exams that is.<br /> vietnam trip too. and drp with felicia. exciting times?<br /><br />just me,<br />im just a kid<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-3773358705123565182?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-46756126489903461252009-08-20T08:42:00.002+08:002009-08-20T08:53:17.025+08:00Dear JC,<br /> tomorrow is my Exams. and guess wad. din bring the correct topic to school. zz<br /> and just now, realised that ming is lying to me again. i think he think its funny seeing how much crap i can take. and all the while laughing behind my back. anws, ive been feeling the cant be bothered attitude when ming starts bragging about his status ingame. if he lies ill just ignore everythign about that section of our life. dont really like liars. min gay attitude sure. ok with that. cos thats his problem. but dont lie to me.<br /> bro is still eating my room and watching tv. how can i study. pissed is an understatement. im way past that. way past.<br /> seems like ive been selected for Drp and cds.<br /><br />Just me,<br />OB1<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-4675612648990346125?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-78039137705305711472009-08-17T22:21:00.003+08:002009-08-17T23:54:03.117+08:00Dear jc,<br /> been thinking of some stuff lately. but, honestly, i think that penning it down here would help sort some things out. as it is. things these days havent been at all boring like i thought it would.<br /> well, kinda firstly. find that i mix well with the engineering guys. more than my app science people. bt im not complaining. but i dont at all say that i dont sometimes wonder. if i made the right decision. kairos. haha. to meet 1d and then lose that friendship. lianto passing through sometimes. ah zhi. would he be alone if i were not in chem eng AS? dont ask about the rest of my class. we talk sometimes. but its usually me that does the talking. unfair bt true. what would peng and the rest of the guys say. if they knew that the person of the group. "leader" if i were bold enough to say. but not the lime light i seek. id say i am the one that keeps people together. if they, were to one day become invisible and follow me around a normal everyday school and see the real me. when im not full of energy. when im withdrawn and everything that they thought they knew of me. would they wonder who the real me is? would min, or CJ or anyone who when questioned would say they are very good friends with me. do they understand. that my friends that i choose. i will put my heart into nuturing strong intense personlities. thats how i like it. i like the quiet. and i like the noise. i like the people who choose not to hide who they are when they are with me. i want to see their heart. keep their secrets. and keep them company.<br /> sometimes i smile. but i dont totally agree with whats going on. sometimes, when i talk to my friends. i feel like im a voice, needing someone to hear me. and its not fair.<br /> yesterday, dad started talking about finding girl friends and stuff. and i wonder. it took him this long to find out. is it because of him seeing his daughter growing up and not because of his sons? blew up yesterday when he started offering sister thumbdrives. and all this while, all the thumbdrive i ever got was bought by myself. this worn down card reader. only recently, he gave us kids a external, which ive been lugging to school everyday. just isint fair is it? bt what can i do. im human too. dissapointing. escaped interogation by faking tireness. how would my fantasy girl pop out of nowhere. just so tired.<br /> jarrold was telling me a long time ago. your accounts of vietname is really so long. and now i think i finally have the anwer to that. maybe after talking to myself for such a long time, that it is applied to everything that i do. i talk to myself when im choosing books. when some random though comes to my mind. when walking alone(i think) i sing. anws, just talked to him jest now, and can see that he is stressed. caryn i think. i really wish there were something i can help him but how can i when i cant even hold a decent conversation with a girl. i smile, act cool. bt then i walk away. so sorry jarrold.<br /> CJ started talking to me again. for that im glad. i hope his problems would resolve itself. for Adeline stuff well, haha i dont think i really helped her with her chem problem today. kinda embarassed ive forgotten all sec school stuff. maybe cos ive decided to let go and move on.<br /> peng swayer and me deciding on doing alot of things once the holidays come:<br />1. Kbox (new year)(sweet wants to go countdown also, so planning two things)<br />2. Camping<br />3. Cycling<br />4. RS vid (i really really want to do this)<br />5. 11th vamp.ire<br />6. plan one outing for all family people, Tp people, close friends people and everyone else who wants to join weather you are from singapore, japan or anywhere else to come for a lunch.(cant be too hard right? am i asking for too much? to get everyone i know together)<br />7. go to sec school visit mdm tai<br />8. one small request(God) ice skating(may not be the best but im pasionate about it)<br />9. training with the guys for some TARing<br /><br />i think that all these things, im gona do planning again. duno if ming, or CJ or anyone else wants to come to these things. but like ive said from the begining, anyone wants to come, as long as you let me noe in advance and have no evil intention. come along and join.<br /><br />think that its kinda late already and i wana sleep. so yea. good night. dont really think that people would make it this far. grats. *honestly i duno if i should be happy or sad..<br /><br />just me,<br />Kairos - fate and destiny Reno - the start of a new begining<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-7803913770530571147?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-62123945785447856282009-08-15T23:07:00.003+08:002009-08-16T00:26:57.186+08:00Dear jc,<br />hahas, today is kinda ok. like the past few days.been having some interesting things.<br />drove really far yesterday.went past tp from the center. remember, later peng said he saw me. lols. bt anw, later met them at tp after their stay healthy fair at vivo.<br />today,we went to swimming. was ok i guess. not much to do. cept dive and dive around. later was famished and tired so we got to work beefing up. wasent that difficult. after few rounds of silent poker. went home and fell asleep. was really tired. still am i guess. tml, work begins. duno if im ready for the exams.<br />hahas facebooking now, catch you later<br />hahas, i thought i finished writing for today. but i guess i remembered more things to write. been thinking of the things thats been happening in pet society. and well, im glad im here in people's life teaching them the things that they thought they knew. today, i thought the goal mindset to pend and swayer. today, i reminded my bro of the best for you self mindset. and before that, a few months back, yimei, shelaine and friends the best for yourself thingy. cos its true, sometimes opportunity doesent happen twice. and life throws interesting things in your way. sometime like the example adam gave a long time ago. with the 10 dollar bill. in pet S and rest city, been playing santa for a long time now, and more and more people are asking if they can have the same treatment as my class people. what i mean is that, these people, they've seen it and havent the courage to ask until now when they see the outcome of it. is it too late? have they missed the opportunity? is it the best fruits now?<br /><br />just me<br />me<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-6212394578544785628?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-61502549769141419292009-08-08T22:11:00.002+08:002009-08-08T23:11:04.039+08:00dear jc,<br /> if time were to have no defination. oh the things i would do. unfortunately, today started out as a string of bad instances<br /> today, me and the guys. and i mean all of us, spent the day out. cept ming. he only join us when it is badminton. so its us rest of us at gym most of the morning and afternoon. the bike broke down when i was cycling and thankfully, dint get hurt. so from library had to walk to tamp stadium.<br /> have you ever gotten the feeling that you know someone is going to do something, or somethings is going to happen? for me, when im in a situation, sometimes i get the feeling like, im in a dream and i remember whats going to happen next. then its like everything is in slow motion, and im floating around.<br /> at the stadium, i see Cj stoning there. then, suddenly, i get a flash of the torrent of feelings. and i dont understand it at first. until later, he tells me what its about. and i get this wash of tired feelings. after gym, we go to cent. sq for lunch and then we go elias for badminton. the court was unable to book and our games turned out bad cos of the wind.<br /> then later we go eli to play com. cannot play. started with no uri revenge. then no dota.. then when i finally got the dota to work everyone so happy. then a bunch of bimboes came in and started a screaming match with the coms. human screamers versus zombies, witches, hunters and tanks. dont ask how, they managed it. so after that, we imerge angry, cheated, and deaf (and death).<br /><br />and to top it off?<br /><br />we're gona do it again next week.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-6150254976914141929?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28829256.post-69304448015114653292009-08-05T18:23:00.003+08:002009-08-05T18:24:40.729+08:00Dear jc,<br /> this week has been really tiring for me. so far that is. we are eating out most of the time so family is very busy.<br /> using facebook for other things other than playing. learning about the different uses.<br /> making deeper friends with hadi and ps<br /><br />be right back! haha<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28829256-6930444801511465329?l=kairosreno.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Pure hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17315035321990013627noreply@blogger.com0